Those of us who HATE CONFLICT
I was the girl who would run the other way, fast, to avoid conflict at all costs.
I recently had two different people in my life say “now Lindsay without candy coating it how do you really feel” they both actually used the words ‘candy coat’
I guess my recovering people pleasing tendencies coupled with my hate of conflict were ah, obvious?
Well, I have been learning lately that “fear” could once again be the culprit.
What do you fear about conflict?
It was: “feeling stupid, because what if I was wrong”
But then God reminded me that humility comes before honor, so just putting it out there in the beginning of the conversation that “I could be wrong” was actually acting in humility. (good to know)
I also had “fear of not being smart enough.” I had this fear that “they” knew more than me, that “they” are smarter than me. I had to ask God, “why do I feel that way” and a moment way back in elementary school came rushing back, when a kid on the playground told me I was stupid.
I had to forgive and move on, knowing that now I have the mind of Christ.
So we are all actually back on a level playing field.
And then I had a fear I would be taken advantage of. I felt I had to protect myself because no one else (including God) was going to take care of me. The feeling was REAL, it’s was very very real, but it’s still a lie. It’s NOT TRUE.
God says: “do not fear, for I am with you!”
I mean, He is God. If you believe like I do that He REALLY created the universe and we are little (LOVED) dust people, He really does know best and He really does say do not fear. ANYTHING.
So for me I had to break down my fear of conflict, my hate towards it.
Hate is rooted in fear, fear of something, but we often have to ask ourselves (and God), what about this do I fear?
Then we can deal with and pray about the real problem, instead of trying to figure out this ambiguous “feeling” that sometimes attaches itself to our identity.
Hi my name is Lindsay and I am just one of those people who hate conflict.
See the Bible says
Proverbs 23:7New American Standard Bible (NASB)
For as he thinks within himself, so he is.
If we think we are this or that, well we are.
It’s a crazy thing, our minds, but they are powerful.
2 Corinthians 12:9-11 New International Version (NIV)
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
One of my weaknesses is conflict, that’s ok to admit, but that is not my identity, it is just something I need to lean HARD into God to overcome, but since Christ died for us, we are now OVERCOMERS in Him. It’s not always easy, but it is alway possible with God.
Let’s be careful what we say to ourselves and about ourselves, even in our own minds (those thoughts that we agree with in our minds, do they line of with Christ? if not THROW THEM OUT THE DOOR)
I once had a therapist (actually I have had lots of therapists) hee hee, they are helpful most of the time, but we also have Holy Spirit the TRUE counselor to check everything against.
My therapist once said to me “Lindsay, would you ever call those little kids that you volunteer with stupid?”
I said, “no never”
She said “then why do you call yourself stupid, you are hurting your own feelings”
I was like, WHHHHHHHHAT, this lady has a point.
Let’s do as God says, take EVERY thought captive, to the obedience of Christ.
He says that because He loves us. Not because He is trying to ruin our fun! He knows everything. We just don’t.
He is God, and we, are little loved dust people!