An {Only God} Story of Mine

As I am currently writing some {Only God} stories!

I wanted to share an {Only God} story of mine with you!

A story of surrendering a fear that held me back for many years.

A story of surrendering my heart and my trust (regarding marriage) to my PERFECT Heavenly Father and the sweet way in which He walked with me through it! Encouraging me that “He was right there” the entire time!

“So, Lindsay, do you like him?” my therapist asked me!

“I think so; I think I could like him.” I carefully replied.

She said, “No, Lindsay, do you like him?”

I repeated in a very thoughtful way but with a slight stutter, “Yes, I do…I do…think…I like him”

She finally said, “Lindsay, I am not asking you if you think you like him; I am asking you how you feel.”

And I said, as genuinely as I could, “Yes, I think I feel like I like him.”

She shook her head, “Lindsay, take ‘think’ out of it. How do you FEEL about him?”

I thought to myself, “Feel…what exactly does she mean by ‘feel?’”

I didn’t know I was really that different than most other girls, I just thought they wanted to get married more than I did! I didn’t know until I sat in that same office as she looked at me a little strange when I described what I thought in my head being married looked like, being handcuffed to a stove.

I could tell it was weird by the look on her face! I thought, hmmmm, that must not be normal!

The idea of handcuffs represented way more than just having to ‘cook’ for someone, to me it represented this idea of being held down, being a slave!

I had heard from a previous counselor (yes I have had more than one, it’s OK) that I would tend to date emotionally unavailable men!

“WHAT” I proclaimed!

Then I started to see what she was talking about!

When one wanted to get close to me, I would start acting really crazy, they would break up with me or back away and then I would cry and feel sorry for myself.

Really I was just too confused to know my own antics. I don’t think I realized my own destructive behavior.

Fast forward a bit, as I started to understand God’s Word and His design for marriage, I started to wonder if maybe I was a bit off in my thought process concerning marriage. I heard for the first time that God created marriage and it was a good thing. I was shocked. I had no idea.

It wasn’t until I ended up at this “Restoration Conference” a few years ago that I went up to pray with these two women, where for the first time I admitted having a fear of marriage. A fear of my husband leaving me for another woman, the husband I didn’t even have yet! The sweet women prayed “Lord, please go into the garden of her heart and dig out this lie and replace it with something beautiful.” At that very moment, I saw this flower come to my mind (I thought this is weird, but oh well) I was crying so hard snot was running out of my nose, but then suddenly I saw a picture of me, walking down the aisle as a BRIDE.

I was SO shocked by this picture.

I had been a bridesmaid about 16 times at this point and NEVER EVER could imagine me as the bride. I was so shocked that I didn’t even tell them, I ran into the bathroom and exclaimed “Lord, that was You, that had to be You, I could never conjure up that image even if I wanted too.”

It was SO real and I knew it wasn’t me!

Three months later, while in Goodwill, I walked over near the dresses to see if I could get a good deal on a cute summer dress. I instead found myself looking at these wedding dresses, they were hideous, but beside one of them was this veil, I couldn’t walk away from it. I was arguing with myself, “Lindsay, what ARE you doing, walk away” but I just couldn’t. I picked it up, told myself I could get it if it was under $5.00. Maybe I could use it as decoration or something, but honestly I HAD NO IDEA why I was buying it. I felt stupid, but compelled. It came up to $4.97 (of course).

So off I went, telling the Lord that we couldn’t tell anyone of this strange thing I just did. I arrived home 45 minutes later, kind of forgetting about the whole fiasco. As I walked in my house, suddenly that same image (from 3 months ago) popped back in my head and I kid you not, I had just purchased the same EXACT veil I had on in the vision. I stood still in utter amazement, I said, “Lord, WHAT? I almost dropped to my knees, this IS crazy.” I just shook my head in amazement of how real God is, how this could even be!

Six months later an intern who had just started with our company came into my office and asked if she could talk to me, (Note: I had maybe said “Hi” to her once in passing); she then shut the door and sat down. She proceeded to tell me that the Lord put me on her heart as she was driving home the night before, so she started praying for me and she saw this image of me on my knees asking God if I were meant to be single and then she boldly told me the answer was NO! I just stared at her and calmly told her thank you as I was thinking about JUST that morning me kneeling by my bed asking God if I were met to be single?

I didn’t know what to say to her, I frankly didn’t even know her! How did she know?

These three events were unexplainable; they were so out of “the blue” as they say! Or were they?

A coincidence? I don’t believe so! I don’t believe in such a thing! I believe it was the God of the Universe, who knows every hair on my head, who knit me together in my mother’s womb who loves me (and YOU) so much that He told us to call Him Father! It was Him helping me along to surrender my fear, my fear that kept me comfortable and out of the “danger of rejection” for 30+ years.

I am 36 and still single. I recently surrendered that fear completely to the Lord. I don’t know what’s next, but I know God is good. I know He is able; I know my time is in His hands. I know marriage is beautiful, and I know it can be hard. More than that, I know that being free of fear is better than anything I could hope or imagine! I don’t know if your fear is marriage like mine was or if you fear never getting married. Either way, give that fear to the Lord, and watch the beautiful love of Jesus envelope your heart and take you on an adventure of a lifetime!

How about some ONLY GOD stories!

A little something fun and different has been on my heart lately.

How about some ONLY GOD stories!

Where a God who can DO ANYTHING, does just that, crazy things that will encourage us all!

His thoughts are higher than our thoughts, His ways are higher than our ways, so why do we put Him in a box, God that is, why do we think He can’t do it?!

“It” being whatever it is you think God can’t do! He is God, He created the Universe!

We are children of the most high God! The King of Kings and the Lord of Lords!

“Be STILL and KNOW that I am GOD!” He says!

He reminds me of this verse a lot!

“Lindsay do you trust me”, I hear Him often say!

It is a constant surrender, a constant YES LORD I TRUST YOU! It can be moment by moment!

This idea of ONLY GOD stories popped in my head after I heard a few girls around my age talking about “how there are no good men left”… I got so discouraged, not because I believed what they were saying, I got discouraged because they were talking like God wasn’t able, like God didn’t know the end from the beginning, like God was surprised we were 30 something and single. God is NEVER surprised! He knows our thoughts, He knows our desires before we do, He knows it ALL!

God has given me the opportunity to see Him at work in the lives of girls (and guys) that are ONLY GOD stories and they encourage me to know GOD IS GOD and I can be still and TRUST in that! These stories have encouraged me so and I do hope they encourage you!

Therefore, over the next few weeks, I will be writing my ONLY GOD stories of couples that will remind you about the the goodness, the faithfulness, the kindness, the grace and the love of God, your Maker, your Creator, the One who loves you MOST!

I am writing these stories for 2 very important reasons:

1. to encourage YOU!

2. to glorify the God of the Universe and His amazing ways!

Be excited, God is writing your story! He is the author and perfecter of our faith, it is Him {in} us that will walk out this life! Take a seat, open the book and be excited to read the next chapter.

In my mind I simply asked Jesus

I was recently at a silent retreat and one of our leaders led us through an exercise, she proceeded to tell us to close our eyes and imagine Jesus walking towards us.

She then said “Jesus is going to ask you for something, ” and she wanted us to ask Him what He wanted that we were holding onto!

I tend to write down my questions, concerns and prayers to Jesus in my journal and then write what I sense He is telling me! Am I always right, probably NOT, but is it still worth the exercise? I do think so!

In this particular situation I especially believe it was Jesus, because what was revealed to me was something that was very true about me, but I would not have admitted to myself!!? because it wasn’t real pretty!

In my mind I simply asked Jesus what He wanted me to give Him and heard Him in my heart clearly say:

“Your independence”

I was a little surprised to say the least, that was NOT was I was thinking!

(note* Jesus had been peeling back some layers of a fear that I had for many years and I think this was one more layer of my fear of marriage)

Below is our conversation directly from my journal:

Me: Jesus, I am giving you my independence, my need to do it all alone!

Jesus: It’s ok baby girl, I am with you and I don’t want you to have to do it all alone, you don’t have too

Me: I don’t want too, but I am scared

Jesus: What are you scared of sweetie

Me: I am scared to let someone else take care of me

Jesus: Why?

Me: I don’t know what if they don’t know how?

Me: What if I am not good at letting them? What if I find out it is my fault?

Jesus: What is your fault?

Me: What if I am not good enough? What if they bug me?

Jesus: Why would they bug you?

Me: (it was blank)

Jesus: You don’t think I will give you grace Lindsay

Me: You hear all these bad stories Jesus, you hear how hard marriage is even with Christian people.

Jesus: but don’t you long for it Lindsay

Me: I think so; I think in the depths of my being I do Jesus

Jesus: You listen for the bad things, you are always trying to make a case against marriage or for independence like independence means you are better, it’s like pride.

Me: UGH! I think I want it but I think people who want marriage are weak and can’t do it themselves like I am stronger because I can! PRIDE…. PRIDE….

Me: Lord, I give you my pride, thinking I am better alone or better than others because I want to be alone almost like victim mentality! WHAT! Lord this IS crazy, please take this pride from me, PLEASE Lord!

——– End Journal Entry

I use to get really confused on which thoughts were mine, which were from Jesus and which were from the enemy, but I believe this was my Shepherd, walking me towards repentance and exposing some pride and fear in me, that were truthfully holding me back!

I love God, because He knows us better than we know ourselves, the Bible says, He knows every hair on our head! He knows what we need before we ask! He is a good God and He wants to reveal these hidden things in you also and the great part is, it is all in LOVE. He wants us to be FREE from all the YUCK!

Our Father in Heaven, He Knew

It’s like our Father in Heaven KNEW how important a loving Father would truly be to the well being of His people.

He created us, so He knew!!

He also knew that man (woman) would sin and fall short, He knew we would live in a world that was severely broken.

He knew He would send His son Jesus Christ into the world to reconcile the human race back to Himself!

He knew! Even before time began, that He (our Father in Heaven) would call us sons and daughters and we would call Him Father.

In the Bible it explains that we are adopted into His family as sons and daughters through Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior. Romans 8:15 and Epes. 1:5

Father’s Day, it’s an interesting day for many people! It’s a day to honor the Fathers in our life, some have several some have none. It can be a day of great thankfulness and for others a day of great sadness.

Our Father in Heaven is a Perfect Father who cares about the details of our lives! He created us, He adores us, He weeps with us when we weep, He blesses us often, but we don’t usually give Him credit. James 1:17 says that ALL good things come from the Father of Heavenly Lights, but we don’t always give Father God credit for those small and big blessings. What if we did, what if we just looked up to our Heavenly Father when something big or something very small happens that is good and said “Thank YOU Father”

Our Father in Heaven says He will never leave us or forsake us! Never!

I love my dad here on earth, I love my grandad’s who are now both in heaven, I love my step-dad, I love my brother-in-law who is a great dad to my precious niece and one day I will love the father of my children and the father in law that God blesses me with, but no one will ever compare to the LOVE, the unconditional, ever perfect love of my Perfect Creator who LOVES me so much that He told me to call Him Father!

And the amazing part is, no matter where your earthly father is, no matter how amazing or how terrible he was to you, we all have the opportunity to get to know, be loved by and love a Perfect Heavenly Father THAT IS indeed interested more than you can imagine.

Walk towards Him and see, take a step in His direction, He is waiting with His arms wide open!

Click below to read more about YOUR Perfect Heavenly Father who really loves and adores you!

More on- God’s precious thoughts about you… click here

More on- God’s healing LOVE….click here

More on-The Father’s Love (Father God this is talking about)…click here

More on-Your Heavenly Father IS interested… click here

 

Your Heavenly Father IS interested

I write because it helps me, it’s kind of like free therapy! I connect with my Heavenly Father by writing, so I LOVE it with my whole heart! Sometimes it is good to share, hoping maybe it will help someone like you! But other times it is just for me, to work through the thoughts in my head!

If you don’t journal, I suggest you try it. I just scribble out all the things in my head like I am writing to God, sometimes I go on and on, but the good thing is, my Heavenly Father is interested! The Bible says I am the apple of His eye! AND so are YOU!

I use to send Him emails and text messages too, especially when I was desperate for Him and felt He was far.

The Bible says in Deuteronomy 31:6 that He will never leave us nor forsake us.

I know this, but sometimes my “feelings” make me “think” He is far from me.

It is just not true!

{Warning} this might sound weird! 🙂 One time I put GOD in my phone contacts and then typed my own phone number in there, so I could just shoot off a text to Him, whenever.  I just had to remind myself how accessible He really was to me.

I also use to “email” Him, when I would get upset. I would basically email myself, but talk to God! {call me crazy, but it helped me to remember the One who loves me and cares about me the MOST}

There is SOMETHING about getting “it” out of your head and into God’s hands. It is prayer, it just looks a little different than we traditionally think!

The Bible also says “Draw near to God and He will draw near to you”!

This is my favorite verse because it reminds me of my part of the communication.

This past week, I was “feeling” far from God and then just at the right time, someone pointed me back to scripture, basically instead of listening to me complain about feeling far from God, he just text me 3 books of the Bible.

At first I thought “does he want me to read these, right now?” and well the answer was YES.  He knew the only thing that would help was God and the best way to seek God is to read what He says.

God’s Word is living and active and it is our daily bread! No wonder I felt far from God, I didn’t feel like reading my Bible, but after I did what my friend suggested, I felt better, I felt more in tune with my Heavenly Father.

He is our Father in Heaven, He wants to spend time with us! Why do I forget?