why we do things

As I try very hard to get into God’s Word (the Bible) daily, I some days have more time than others. I use to skip around a lot, usually sticking around Psalms or Proverbs since there is so much practical advice in there on how to live your life. Then I had a big idea I wanted to read the Bible cover to cover. Since it isn’t written in chronological order, it isn’t the easiest “book” to read, so it was more of a chore then anything else. If I am being honest, I think I wanted to tell people I had read the entire Bible, more than really seek to understand who God really was by reading it… I recently heard that John is the best book of the Bible to start with, so I thought, ok I am going to go off course here (I mean since when am I a “structured” person anyway) so as I started reading John and reading it slowly to soak it in, instead of reading it so I could “say” I read the entire Bible. SO I may only read a few verses everyday, but I am learning to read slowly, really dig into what God is saying through the Bible. As I read this morning in John 6, I came across verse 29. In the NIV version it says “Jesus said: The work of God is this; to believe in the One He has sent”. Now wait, let’s read that again, slower this time, think about what Jesus is saying….. “The work (service) of God is this; to believe in the One He has sent”. As I have been wondering, even worrying about what God wants me to do for Him, I realize that first before I “do” anything for God, He wants me to believe…. Really believe… not just say I believe. God knows our heart, knows our every thought! So I was curious, what does the word believe even mean…. to TRUST, RELY ON and have FAITH IN.
Now I wondered, what those words really mean…….
To TRUST is to have an assurance and a dependence on something/someone
So then of course I wondered what exactly does assurance mean…. To pledge, guarantee, or be secure in….. are you secure in God?
To RELY is to be dependent on, to have confidence based on experience
I loved this one, because the more I have stepped out to get to know God, seek Him, walk towards Him, trust Him with something specific, the more I have experienced Him and His goodness.
The last one is to have FAITH in which is to have a firm belief in something for which there is no proof.
That is why you hear some call it taking a ‘step of faith’ believing in God initially, believing in something that there is no proof. Well no tangible proof we can see in front of our face at this second, but there is proof.. ask yourself, why do you celebrate Easter? I can’t answer that for each of you, but I celebrate the resurrection of Jesus Christ, God who became flesh, walked on this earth, did many miracles, taught about His Father in Heaven, died on a cross to be the sacrificial lamb for the sins of the world and then rose from the grave, from the dead 3 days later. I use to celebrate Easter not really understanding the reliance and dependence I was called by Jesus to have in God.
As I was searching for the truth of Jesus, as I was not sure if “this stuff” was all true, even though I did celebrate “it’s” holidays, I started to think, how in the world is it that we are all still talking about and celebrating the birth (Christmas), death (Good Friday) and resurrection (Easter) of a dead carpenter from 2,000 years ago… I mean really… doesn’t that seem odd. My conclusion was, someone had to have truly experienced God to carry it on this long.. There is no other explanation.
Just some thoughts…. To think on….

a little encouragement…

a poem by Russell Kelfer

You are who you are for a reason
You’re part of an intricate plan
You’re a precious and perfect unique design
Called God’s special woman and man

You look like you look for a reason
Our God made no mistake
He knit you together within the womb
You’re just what he wanted to make

The parents you had were the ones he chose
And no matter how you may feel
They were custom-designed with God’s plan in mind
And they bear the Master’s seal

No, that trauma you faced was not easy
and God wept that it hurt you so;
But it was allowed to shape your heart
So that into his likeness you’d grow

You are who you are for a reason
You’ve been formed by the Master’s rod
You are who you are, beloved
Because there is a God!!!!

Fantasizing about the future?

So I didn’t realize it was a “struggle”, I just thought that “thinking (or fantasizing) about the future, my future was normal, it is how our brain operates, right? I never saw harm in it, I thought everyone thought that way… I mean hopes, dreams, planning for goodness sake, we need to PLAN, right…
As God has me on a new journey for this season, the word TRUST is TOP of mind. Proverbs 3: 5-6 is one of my favorite verses in the Bible, it was the first verse I memorized 2 years ago, “Trust in the Lord with all of your Heart, lean not on your own understanding, but acknowledge Him in all your ways and He will make your paths straight!” I would tell everyone, I love this verse, etc etc… but was I REALLY believing it to be TRUE?
Well, He is really teaching me to TRUST Him now… to rely on Him, to walk with HIM daily, not to “worry” about the future, worry, mediate, dwell or fantasize about the future… because I will miss the very blessing of today and to TRUST is to expect with confidence, in His timing, not ours.
I know this is not revolutionary for anyone, the concept that is, but are we really living it… are we REALLY guarding our mind from “what could be” bad or good…
I often think/fantasize about the day when God brings my husband into my life. I have come to be very excited about this and I assume I am not the only girl out there that is excited for this day. It could be my big birthday approaching, it could be that I am blessed and honored to be the Maid of Honor in two very special friends weddings in the next 4 months, or it could be a desire that God has placed in my heart, I am guessing it is a combination of the 3…
Anyway my point is that I find myself going “there” in my head WAY TOO MUCH… I day dream about what “will be” and pay very little attention to the blessing of THIS day. The blessing of being single, the blessing of doing what only a single person can do… A friend of mine gave me a sermon series from her church that talked about rest and how important it is to rest with God… We have all read the books that encourage us to “do all you can for God while you are single” and I do, I do and do and do, not because the book told me too, because He (Jesus) is the center of my universe, and I want Him to always be, but He is the ONLY one in my universe right now, so He gets my full attention…. That will never be again, once this season has passed and I want to soak it all up!
With all these thoughts roaming around in my head and a perfect restful weekend I began to see what I was robbing myself of by “thinking” too much about the future… Or wishing this season away – when truly only a single person can do what I did this weekend and it was WONDERFUL…. A night just with the Lord on Friday (I call it my date with Jesus), a lovely brunch with a friend, an entire afternoon in a coffee shop with a book, my praise and worship music on Pandora while reading, a little cleaning, but on MY TIME line, church, lunch, an afternoon nap and an event that evening, phone calls and a little “needed” planning in the middle… I mean it was seriously a weekend that only a single person could have…. with no one else to consider except my Heavenly Father, that loves me more than anyone else ever could….

Lord, I just want to thank you for the season you have me in, help me to keep today as my focus when at all possible, help me not to “dream” my current blessings away wishing and hoping for a season ahead that you have ordained and I don’t have to WORRY about. Thank you Lord,. That you are ultimately in control of my life and I get to enjoy it… because it is a gift from you and for that I am very thankful…

Emotional Prostitution

Updated December 21st, 2016! 

It’s funny how we grow, how we post a blog and see one from 5 years ago that we remember writing out of some pain. As I do still agree with a lot of the content of this blog, I do know I wrote it out of fear and pain. I wrote it out of lack of boundaries in my own life and a heart being protected by a scared little girl.  A heart that lacked trust in God to protect her. I wrote it under harsh self-protection and honest learning! I was a new Christian and well the world I lived in before I knew Jesus said “if you are sleeping together, you are dating, if you are not sleeping together, you are friends, the lines were CRYSTAL CLEAR! But coming into a Christain environment, learning the ways of the Creator God, I got confused, but I also got HEALED and healing can often hurt! So yes I was hurt when I wrote this, I was also tapping into an issue I still see, but as I have grown to be sensitive to the leading of the Holy Spirit, I have found guy friends to be very healing, although moments of rejection, abandonment, feeling not picked have come with those friendships, I have to say that the fruit that came from them were worth the little stings here and there!

So read with this in mind! I still do think we fill our needs this way and I think sometimes that can be ok and sometimes it can keep us stuck from moving forward. Ask Holy Spirit, He knows! 

There seems to be a problem, epidemic some might call it, of men and women who have commitment issues getting together to be “friends”!!! No physical benefits per say, but even more dangerous getting together for the emotional benefits. Some will argue with me, no question, “men and women CAN be friends Lindsay” and I have to agree with them, but the question is– is it likely without needs being met on usually both sides of the equation? My thought is probably not, I can say that because I believe God created men and women to be together, to be physically and emotionally attracted to one another, if that is true, if you believe as I do that God made man and then realized, it is not good for man to be alone so He made woman then it seems very unlikely that we could hold back the God given attraction to one another just because there is no title (i.e. boyfriend/girlfriend). See I find it hard to believe that men and women can just “be friends” without some kind of emotional boundary being crossed.
I have this concern for a couple of reasons
1. For married people, see I am deeply grieved by divorce in America. I know that the number 1 reason for divorce is money, but second is infidelity. Would you REALLY be ok if your spouse (future spouse) had a close friend that was of the opposite sex??? That they talked to weekly and talked about often… that they went to for advice and affirmation? I am going to say no, but you all can decide that for yourself.
2. For my people (the singles of the world, especially Christian singles), because we are the worst at this! We may pride ourselves on being “Holy” and not being physically intimate before marriage, but we instead… well you see where I am going…. We hide from our pain and fear and instead give ourselves away emotionally, to only fill the God given desire for a spouse and wonder why we are still single.
I may sound harsh or judgmental but I know this because I lived it for 15 years of my life and I don’t want YOU too!!! I was desperately fearful of intimacy so I would be friends with all the guys I knew, I would even call them my brothers and because the pain and fear was SO deep, I truly thought of them that way…. The problem is there was pain I needed to deal with that was deep down inside. Is there harm in being friends with the opposite sex, you ask, well that is up to you, I am almost 35 years old and still single and I will be honest when I say I have no doubt in my mind THIS IS THE REASON- I was filling my desire for a husband with “friends”—I would often talk about finding Mr. Right, but DEEP down, I was scared literally to death! (see I have been doing this a LONG time), I just recently discovered that I do desire to be married only about 9 months ago… I didn’t decide per say, God released me from that deep pain I had held for about a quarter of a century, He actually showed me a picture of myself as a bride while I was praying through some of my pain and handing it over to Him and asking Him to replace that pain with His Love (never had I ever seen this before-me as a bride)! During the process of dealing with this pain, I had the most amazing experience with God; I have never felt as close to Him, as I did during this time of revelation and healing….. After God had revealed this to me I started seeing this “Emotional Prostitution” EVERYWHERE I looked, it was heart breaking to me because I am pretty sure I knew how most of it was going to end and that is in confusion, heart ache, bitterness and anger, the feeling of being picked over and used….. I could not help but write this blog, I hope that is speaks to someone reading it. I have a prayer that was actually given to me tonight that helps release you from “False Intimacy”!! Please message me at Lindsay@lindsaysnyder.com if you want a copy.
…… If nothing else, sit and meditate on Proverbs 4:29 Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it! Also, check your motives with God on why you do what you do! He will show you!!!

Forgiveness –a must..but how?

I once heard that having unforgiveness in your heart towards someone is like drinking poison and expecting it to hurt the other person……ouch…. The grudges (unforgivenss we hold in our hearts is dangerous, for us) the process of forgiveness is for us, for our heart. Solomon, the wisest man whoever lived said “guard your heart, for it is the well spring of life, everything flows from it”…. God wants us to forgive, He commands us to forgive, but see He created the universe, that includes you and I – so He knows what is best for YOU and ME. I not only know this because it is in the Bible, I know this because I have experienced the process of forgiveness and it is powerful….. a very wise mentor of mine taught me this process below and it is so very helpful…..

 

The Process of Forgiving Someone- Actually Doing it!
1a) Confess your own sin of unforgiveness to God
Say it aloud-
1b) Acknowledge the hurt……
(if you feel you can’t forgive a person, back up one step before you acknowledge the hurt-taking responsibility for your self asking God to cleanse you of unforgiveness
Say it aloud-
2-Acknowledge how it made you feel…..
It made me feel frustrated, bitter, hurt, rejected, unloved, devalued, mad, sad, ugly, left out, unwanted, unappreciated, unworthy, stupid,……………..(just examples)
I can’t believe you did that to me……..
It makes me so disappointed that……
I hate you for what you have done to me….
I wish things were different, I wish you would…….
I wish you were not even my son, daughter, father, mother, husband, wife, brother, sister, friend……

Say it aloud-
“You do not deserve it and it was NOT ok for you to treat me that way”
3-“BUT I choose right now to give you the gift of forgiveness I hand you over to God for Him to deal with you”
“I release you. I let you go right now from the apology, debt you owe me. I cancel out anything you owe me, you never have to make it up to me or pay me back. You are free. You are forgiven. I totally release you”

Say it aloud-
4- “I accept you name of person unconditionally, without any strings attached, right now. I release you name of person of the responsibility to make me feel loved and accepted. I look to the Lord Jesus Christ from this moment on to meet my need for security, love, acceptance, approval and significance. To be heard, understood, for kindness, tenderness, romance and gentleness.”

Say it aloud-
“I am willing to be hurt again if God allows it. I don’t want to be hurt again but I let that go also right now into God’s hands.”