Unworthiness! I didn’t know you had a name. I thought you were my thoughts; you have lied to me for a really long time.
I took you on, unworthiness, as my identity, and didn’t even know it.
I never knew you could be so destructive, lie so deeply about who I was. I am going to tell on you now, so you can’t lie to others like you did to me.
Girls, unworthiness may be speaking to you and I want you to know, you can overcome this LIE!
Let’s take a closer look at the root word: unworthy. What does it say to us?
un·wor·thy: That we are insufficient in worth; undeserving. That we are lacking in value or merit; worthless. That we are unsuitable, not befitting. That we are vile. Despicable.
Insufficient: I felt completely insufficient and undeserving of what I truly desired.
Lack of value: I didn’t even know I had value.
Not suiting: I felt completely unsuited as a wife (for example), I couldn’t cook, I hated to clean and I couldn’t even have children. “Who would want me?” I thought.
Despicable: I truly thought I was disgusting.
After 38 years of believing these lies about myself, God started to unravel the tether bound tightly around my soul.
The Bible is clear that the Father of Lies comes to kill, steal and destroy and he will use very subtle things like unworthiness to do just that, destroy you, from the inside out.
I know it sounds harsh, but I can tell you from my own experience that one of the reasons I am not married (at age 39) is because I felt so completely unworthy of my true heart’s desire. And the Bible says in Proverbs 23:7, As you think within yourself, so you are. Unworthiness is sneaky, but it could be informing the way you see yourself.
Now, let’s talk about the prescription, not the disease.
Six things to remember when you are dealing with the LIE of unworthiness:
1. We have to know deep down that God REALLY does loves us!
I know, I know, God loves us, it’s sounds so cliché. But why is it so hard to remember? Why does it seem distant and hard to really grab onto sometimes? Probably because the idea of an intangible, seemingly busy God loving us doesn’t make a lot of sense. But I challenge you to think about it like a real relationship. What is your love language, for example? Try doing that with the Lord.
My love language is quality time and words of affirmation, so I feel most loved on by God and able to love Him back when I spend long amounts of time with Him (QT) and when I write to Him in my journal and listen to hear Him love on me (through His Word and His Spirit).
Because Your (God) love is better than life, my lips will glorify you (Psalm 63:3).
We must learn to receive His love, because we love only because He has first loved us (1 John 4:19).
2. We have to know deep down that He is for us
As life continues to beat us up, we have to remember that life will do that, but He is for us, He is our refuge, our strength, our ever present help in time of need (Psalm 46:1) He is the Prince of Peace (Isaiah 9:6), His Spirit is kindness, love, self-control, joy, peace, gentleness and patience (Galatians 5:22-23).
We do have an adversary and we live in a really broken world with lots of other really broken people, but He is a good, good Father. We have to shout that from the rooftops especially when life looks like it is going the other way. We have to encourage ourselves in the Lord and use His Word as a battle weapon to fight the good fight and shout His truth over our very own lives when we least feel like it.
3. We have to know deep down that God is good
The kindness of God is what leads us to repentance (Romans 2:4); it is His kindness in the middle of our mess that we need to look for and be thankful for and keep at the forefront of our hearts. We need to see the good in our life and yes, sometimes that means fighting to see it.
We all have good and we all have bad, let’s be real, but there is power in recognizing the good and hanging on to that even through the bad.
4. We have to pray to let Him have His way
We pray and ask for our desires, and then we release and surrender our will to His perfect will. Yes, that sweet and super hard way of surrender: reminding ourselves of God’s faithfulness in our past and grabbing onto Hope Himself for our future. We did our part, we asked, knocked and sought our way and our will, and now, we say “God, you know best, so your way not mine.”
5. We have to let others speak into our lives without being offended. And then ask God, is there anything to learn here?
One of my favorite quotes is,
“Love the learning in every situation.” – Graham Cooke
Enjoy the journey, walking step by step with Jesus. Surrendering moment by moment to His will, because you know He loves you, He is for you and He is good.
I had a friend recently question me on the fact that I didn’t take one particular white elephant gift from someone at a party. He asked me later on if I felt less worthy of it than the girl who I didn’t “steal” it from.
I explained, “no I think I was just being nice.”
He said, “I would lightly challenge you on that, Lindsay, and suggest you ask the Lord.” As simple as it was, he was right. At my core, I felt she should have it because I wasn’t worth it. SO SILLY, right? But funny how God can speak through seemingly small situations. So again, I encourage you to seek the learning, look and listen in every situation for what He might want to show you, to free you from.
6. We have to believe that we are adopted by a perfect Heavenly Father, who deems us worthy
Gals, we are adopted and grafted into a family of royalty; seriously, that is in the Bible. We are a co-heir with the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. We are worthy because He deems us worthy. We are valuable because of who our Daddy is, no matter what the ‘dust people’ on this earth say about us.
I have a super beat up old cell phone that is cracked in like 4 places and has trouble working at times, but on the back of my cover it says “Always wear your invisible crown.” Ladies, let me remind you: a crown requires our heads to be lifted high off the ground and looking straight forward so it does not fall off.
Lift your head, look at your Savior, your Lord, your ever present help in time of need and remember who YOU are!
Don’t let unworthiness lie you to; if you have to scream and stomp your feet to fight it, do so. I pray you are prompted to say “Jesus, it’s for you” when unworthiness comes knocking at your door.
No more, ladies. You are indeed worthy.
I guess I apologize for myself a lot.
I didn’t even realize, until my awesome friend Jen was like “Lindsay, stop apologizing for yourself and everything you say, you do that a lot, girl that is insecurity”
“Ohhh!” I thought
“That’s what it is?”
Thankfully by God’s grace I heard her through the lens of love and wanting freedom for me, not in an “ouch that hurt, now I am going to go feel sorry for myself” kind of way, which, friends, is what I use to do.
We really do need to learn to celebrate the small victories in our lives. #DontWaitToCelebrate my Hope Healers would say, from Hope Heals Ministry
It was about 8 months ago during a prayer time at church that this amazing lady (Jamie, you know who you are) walked up to me and said “God loves your tender heart Lindsay, but He is going to strengthen you”
I thought, “sounds good Lord, have your way” although at the time I didn’t know what that even meant.
Looking back, I see how God has been working out issues of unworthiness, fear and now insecurity in my life. He is strengthening me, He is taking off layers of lies that were holding me down. And without the help of a brave friend, I don’t know that I would have pinpointed that my unnecessary apologizing was a sign of lacking confidence that my opinion even mattered.
In the past I would have been deeply offended by someone calling me insecure and I personally think offense is a crafty tool in the devil’s hand.
If we are offended by a true word, we won’t see it as something that can actually set us free. If the devil can keep us offended, that keeps us in bondage.
Obviously not everything someone says to you is from the Lord. We are human, people are super average at best, but they (because of the Holy Spirit inside of them) are connected to a supernatural God. But it’s always best that you check these things with your Supernatural Father and His amazing Word.
In this scenario, when my friend Jen said “Lindsay that is insecurity” it was like my eyes were opened to a truth that I believe God wanted me to see. Our security comes from Him, we lack nothing in Him, therefore, this was inline with His Word without question.
I went home and thought about it, I prayed and asked God to show me how to get past this, I looked the definition up on google, and wondered to myself “what is insecurity anyway?”
lack of confidence or assurance; self-doubt: (the dictionary said)
“YUCK, let’s get rid of it.” I thought.
My friend Jen, who isn’t going to candy coat anything, said to me the next week “Lindsay, I can totally see a change in you, you didn’t apologize once for yourself tonight, it was stunning, you are stunning” and I knew she meant it. I knew God had done something already. Then a day later another friend said to me “Lindsay, your true beauty is coming out, you seem so much more confident”. And then just a few days after that a sweet brother of mine said “Lindsay, you look beautiful, it’s like a confidence has come from the inside out and it looks good on you.”
I was like, WHOA, I think something has happened here!
And to top it off I have had the biggest zits on my face these past few weeks while all of this is going on, which coincidentally (wink wink) has always been one of my deepest insecurities, externally anyway.
What I think my friends saw, was inner healing manifesting on the outside, big zits and all.
Yes, huge zits, ugh, I am doing this super healthy cleanse my sister (aka editor and mother to my favorite two little people on earth) has me on. I think it is really working, cleaning all the yuck out, from the inside out and well for a short time it is all appearing on my face.
Oh the strange parallel.
What about you? Has a friend (or a stranger) said something to you that just might be from the Lord? To help you? To free you? I suggest praying into it, see if there might be a little lesson inside, just for you? And if you feel offended, check the “why” behind that, you never know what you might find.
He is a good good Father! He wants us free, friends, from all the lies and entanglement that this world can so easily help us become ensnared too!
Whew, let’s do this, FREEDOM!
I use to believe the girls in the fancy boutiques who would tell me “that outfit” looked so good on me. Or the new hairstylist who said, “oh yeah you need to do your hair this way, it frames your face” when inside, I didn’t agree, but I was so insecure that I thought “well they must know better than me”
I actually thought a random person knew better than me about how I felt I looked.
That’s called deep insecurity.
Why would I care what someone else thinks? If I feel pretty, shouldn’t that be all that matters? Oh yeah, people pleasing combined with deep insecurity.
But tonight I had a victory, and I love those little victories between us and the Lord. Our Heavenly Daddy loves seeing His kids get free from all wrong thinking, even if it is one little victory at a time. He sent His son so we would be free!
Tonight I was walking through Macy’s trying to get to the parking lot and out of nowhere a girl confidently asked me, “can I show you something”? Usually I am pretty good at being kind and buzzing right by, but this girl had some solid sales skills and before I knew it she was telling me about my eyebrows and painting something on them. I couldn’t get a word in to tell her I had no money and no intention of buying this product. After she was done, she led me to the mirror and I exclaimed “oh no no no, no girl, I don’t do my eyebrows like that, you are sweet, but no, that is not cute” I couldn’t even pretend, it looked scary.
Now as a recovering people pleaser, that was a victory. Yes believe it or not. As an insecure girl who hated herself for years and hated even more the way she looked (talking about me here) that was a HUGE VICTORY. But even after my horror, the make-up sales ninja said “oh I think it looks great on you” those dreaded words that want to creep in and try to manipulate you. But this time I was like “oh no, honey, that doesn’t look good on me, oh wow, no”
As I continued through the store, I kept passing mirrors and glancing over at my new, extra long, slightly scary eyebrows and smiling that THIS TIME, I won. This time I realized that I knew better than the random person. This time I had enough confidence to know what looks good on me and what doesn’t. This time, I remembered that everything that anyone says to me is for MY CONSIDERATION and I considered that make-up tip a nono. And I knew it was a victory over my past insecure thinking.
I use to listen to what EVERYONE said about me, good, bad or ugly and believe it. And let me tell you, that was exhausting.
It’s exhausting to listen to people’s opinions and try to figure out who is right and who is wrong, I would tend to take in what people said as truth, no matter what they said. I never knew until about a year ago that everything anyone said, was for me to consider. That honestly changed my world. I got to choose whether I agreed with you or kindly didn’t agree with you.
The love of the Heavenly Father is so real and tangible, it is for us to walk in every moment of the day, the question becomes do we believe about ourselves what our Heavenly Father says about us? Or do we believe what others say about us?
I have an idea, I did this a few years ago and it was really really amazing. I want to challenge you to do it too.
Sit down and write a Love Letter from God to you. I am serious. Share with me if you want too. I will feature some on my facebook page. Or not. You don’t have to share it with anyone if you don’t want too.
But definitely do it.
When I did it, I was pretty new to my relationship with God and I didn’t really know what God said about me, so I went to His Word. It was so fun and exhilarating to search His scriptures with the help of good old google to see just what the Father says about His children, about me!
Thanks Jan (my first mentor) for having me do this, it was awesome and so are you.
Biggest Hugs Everyone,
Let’s conquer insecurity so we are not talked into things we aren’t sure we want in life.
As this year comes to an end, another one is about to begin.
AH! 2016, the goals, the plans, the “time away” trips with God for planning and resolutions, praying and reflecting.
My friend Sarah recently told me about how King David in one of his epic stories in the Bible had to strengthen himself in the Lord. And one of the ways he did so, was to reflect on God’s faithfulness in his life.
I think I rediscovered the power of reflection the other night, when my friend Kelly asked me how I ended up in LA. As I started to recount the years before I moved, I was amazed at how retelling the story in it’s entirety was like watching a movie of my own life. At points I was shocked as I noticed God’s faithfulness to keep me going in the direction He had for me despite my often imperfect cooperation and my out right, “Jonah moments”.
Our God was faithful to turn me back around when I went the wrong direction and calm my anxious thoughts when I straight up, freaked out.
He seems to confirm things in amazing ways. He teaches and disciplines like a good Father, and loves us through it all. He gives us a tad bit of the story and then watches us try to make it happen or figure it out and then quietly says “oh dear child I never asked you to figure it out, I asked you to trust Me”
OH FOR HEAVEN’S SAKE. I am thankful that You are gracious Lord and full of mercy because I am sometimes (often) a wandering, controlling soul.
I think it’s fun and EYES wide open crazy to get out your Instagram, go back to the beginning of 2015 and recount the time you have had, the good, bad and ugly, the learning from each season, the little or maybe BIG victories you encountered.
It will encourage you that:
A. He is with you always, through it all
B. He is in control even if you think you are
C. He does it in and through us and has many things to show us along the journey
D. He ultimately is the One to trust here on this earth, mainly because He really created it.
Let’s reflect, let’s use social media to help us walk down memory lane with Jesus, let’s retell the story of our year, to ourselves, so we can be encouraged for the year ahead.
Emmanuel means God with us! That is the very gift of Christmas.
We love you Jesus, thank you for being with us, we can’t do it without you.
I didn’t think I needed to be there. I almost felt guilty and silly all at the same time. I was at a retreat where the subject was rest.
“Lindsay you have been resting for 8 months, you are hardly the one who needs rest” I heard in my head. It was like I was taking the spot of someone who really needed rest. For instance, my sister who has two children under the age of 3 or my countless other friends who have multiple tiny humans zipping around. Me, rest,? “I think I have that down Lord.”
Until Sarah started to talk about how ‘rest’ was actually about your soul resting IN Christ. Now that, I defiantly needed to hear. Sarah started by asking if anyone knew what the ‘soul’ comprised of, I suddenly blurted out in front of 60 girls, “Mind Will and Emotions” I knew that one.
I have witnessed my mind, will and emotions lead me pretty much all of my life and since “let go Lindsay, STOP trying to figure things out Lindsay” has been the theme of my year, I knew I was appointed to be right where I was…
Emotions and I go round and round and I usually end up flat out on the kitchen floor.
The mind is a GREAT gift, but when we try to figure things out instead of trusting God, walking closely, listening and trusting Him above ourselves or others, the mind can lead us into places we were never meant to go.
Psalm 118:8 (NIV)
8 It is better to take refuge in the Lord
than to trust in humans.
Humans (includes ourselves)
Sarah kept talking about resting in Christ. Resting in the fact that He is God and well we are not, He knows best and well we don’t. Resting in the surrendering of ‘the how’ of the next season and maybe even surrendering the ‘why’ of the last season.
Maybe it’s not up to us, maybe He really is big enough to do it all in and through us, maybe our action is to behold Him, abide in Him, do as we see Him do and say what we hear Him say? Never acting out of guilt or shame, cuz that’s not God.
John 5:19 (NASB)
19 Therefore Jesus answered and was saying to them, “Truly, truly, I say to you, the Son can do nothing of Himself, unless it is something He sees the Father doing; for whatever[a]the Father does, these things the Son also does in like manner.
John 15:9 (NASB)
9 Just as the Father has loved Me, I have also loved you; abide in My love.
God is love, Jesus is God. Remain in His love!
1 John 4:8 (NASB)
8 The one who does not love does not know God, for God is love.
Looking to Him to look like Him. Letting Him work in and through us as we stay surrendered, as we abide and STOP all the self effort, because usually that self effort is attached to some kind of earning God’s love or quest for identity.
Instead what if we said “I can’t do this Lord, please do it in and through me, I am here, I am willing, I am your vessel, here to hang onto you, because you are the Vine and I am the branch. Fruit will come as I hang onto you, I am yours and you are mine, but without you I have nothing to offer”
“What if my strength was spent hanging onto You Lord, instead of trying to do what only You can do in and through me anyway?”
Psalms 105:4 (NIV)
4 Look to the Lord and his strength;
seek his face always.
2 Corinthians 4:7 (NASB)
7 But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, so that the surpassing greatness of the power will be of God and not from ourselves;
Not from ourselves (aka. self-effort) because it will soon run us right into a brick wall, guessing some of you have met that brick wall.
Thank you Sarah Ott Deyton, for resting in Christ and bearing MUCH fruit. You will always be the wikipedia of the Bible to me!
For more on her teaching check out www.SarahOttDeyton.com