In the Beginning, my beginning anyway!
I spent a lot of my life scared of men; I thought they were bad, even a bit evil and I surely didn’t know why they would like me. How can anyone like me when I desperately hated myself.
I grew up with a bunch of sisters and had no healthy experience with men, Oh, I had experience with men, just nothing close to healthy.
Two years ago as I was sitting on the beach here in Southern California with my journal in hand, I simply asked God,
“God, how long am I going to have to sit in this fear of marriage?”
“Until you walk through it,” I heard.
Then I thought, “how do I do that?”
And heard “finish the book.”
Dr. Henry said, “a lot of people think they can just sit on their couch and let God bring their husband to their front door.” I thought “uh oh”, and then he said “how is that working for you?”
He then made an analogy to the story in the Bible about taking a step of faith and getting out of the boat. He said, “why in every other area of life do you believe you have to take a step of faith and get out of the boat, but when it comes to dating you think you can just sit there.”
I felt a deep, but kind conviction from the Holy Spirit and knew- this was my problem.
I knew right then, I had been hiding, I was using my “strong faith” to hide behind my deep fear, painful unworthiness and debilitating insecurity.
Fear was talking, but it was tightly tucked behind “my strong faith in God.”
Fear does that, it can pose as other things, like pride.
And friends, it can steal years of your life.
So enough about the problem, what’s the answer?
The past two years God has taken me on a journey of healing deep wounds and putting truth around lies that I believed for decades about myself, men and marriage.
It all started on that day, on that beach, with that book which challenged me to do some things I had not thought about previously.
So, friends, we have to be ready to accept what we might be believing about ourselves and our situation as straight up FALSE, even if we have held those beliefs for years.
We have an enemy who comes to kill, steal and destroy and his only weapon is to lie to us, Jesus referred to him as the Father of Lies, so let’s be wise to his lies.
Encourage One Another!
I know, you want the 1,2,3 on how to figure this dating, marriage, men thing out. Well, I hate to tell you, but I don’t have the answer! I mean that’s probably obvious since I am 39 and single.
I can hear you now, “Lindsay, seriously, we know the answer is always Jesus, but come on.”
You guys, He did create the Universe, so He does know everything. The lie I think a lot of us believe is that He doesn’t care about the little things, like dating.
He is too busy with world wars and starving people. Why would He care about the tiny seemingly insignificant details of my life, I am fine, I have a roof over my head and food in my frig, I need to be thankful, not greedy and wanting more.
OOOOOK, that is where I believe a dangerous lie can sneak in. The lie that God is too busy for your everyday life. He is all powerful and all-sufficient, Jehovah-Shaddai. God spending time with you will not take away from Him spending time with others, that is how humans work, not God.
God is not a cosmic vending machine, we know that, but He created marriage, His plan is for marriage. Genesis 2:18
Yes yes, there are a few gifted people in the world meant to stay single, but those are very special unique people, so calm down and quit talking to your girlfriends about how old you are and how all the good guys out there are gone… use your tongue for good, not evil, discouragement and victim mentality are plain evil.
Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it will eat its fruit. Proverbs 18:21
After that day on the beach God put me on a journey towards a desire that had been straight up hijacked early in my life.
See, the devil is a liar, a powerful liar, the Father of lies, as Jesus called him. He starts early, planting lies of unworthiness, fear, rejection, abandonment, identity, confusion along with lies of discouragement and victim mentality.
But the Bible says, Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 1 Peter 5:8
And it also says:
“they overcame him because of the blood of the Lamb and because of the word of their testimony, and they did not love their life even when faced with death. Revelations 12:11
Therefore, encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing. 1 Thessalonians 5:11
Also, look on your inside a bit (from Psalm 139:23), don’t get stuck there, but take a minute to check your heart, your motives behind your desires and what just might be holding you back or getting in the way. How can we turn from our broken ways and believe God is who He says He is, Creator and Sustainer of all things!
OH, and what I am NOT saying is that if you are still single something is wrong with you, NO. What I am saying is we are all people and there is usually something to learn in EVERY stage of life, we happen to be single, so let’s learn.
Homework, yes homework, this is guy school…. This week sit down with the lover of your soul, Jesus and ask Him to search your heart and reveal any wicked way within you?
Write it down, pray for wisdom in this area, ask God if you need to forgive anyone to move forward in this area, pray and ask God for help.
So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
The Lies That Entangle Us… Series!
Now, let’s start with you, Unworthiness!
In our last little #guyschool lecture we talked about –looking inside a bit.
The reason: something might be holding us back that we don’t even realize.
See, the devil, he is a liar, and unfortunately a powerful liar. Jesus called him “the Father of lies.” He is real, and he starts early in our lives, planting seeds of unworthiness, fear, rejection, abandonment, identity, confusion, discouragement, and victimhood. He comes only to kill, steal and destroy. John 10:10
So we are going to start from the beginning of this list of issues above and work our way through it over the next several months.
I like to share my testimony with you because the Bible clearly says “We overcome the enemy by the blood of the Lamb (JESUS) and the word of our testimony” Revelation 12:11
Now, let’s start with you, Unworthiness!
It was a few months into my “walking through the fear of marriage with God,” as I found myself laying on the floor crying. Hard.
I heard The Spirit of God (Holy Spirit) softly whisper to my heart “Lindsay, it’s up to you, you know that marriage is not all rainbows and puppy dogs but you have to decide, do you want to get married or not?” I had a sense; he was asking me.
It was one of the most painful experiences to actually dig into my soul and ask myself, “was I willing to TRUST in this area?” This area that for some reason was hardest for me? My heart!
The fear was SO deep, the fear of marriage that is, well the fear was really of abandonment and rejection. I thought if I got married, I would risk being abandoned and/or rejected, so it kept me from wanting to get married. But we will get to those (abandonment and rejection) later.
38 believing lies and they were deep and holding on with everything. It hurt, bad, but after a tear-filled evening, I got it out, “yes, Lord, even if it is hard, I do desire to be married.”
That was two years ago and that evening broke something deep within my soul. And at the same time started something. An even deeper healing of sorts, led by the Lord.
I completely recognize that some of you are thinking “that’s nice for you Lindsay, but I have been praying for my husband for 40 years.”
And I hear you, I have dear, dear friends who would say just that, and they are AMAZING catches for some SMART MAN some day! But see the lie can sneak in, it can hold us back in all kinds of different ways.
I share my story because I don’t pretend to know everyone’s, but if you want to share yours, email me!
ok, back to the story! A few weeks later, as I was boarding a plane, I heard a still small voice say “it was just good old fashion unworthiness Lindsay.” I didn’t even ask a question, but the words just came to me.
I stopped half way down the aisle of the plane and thought to myself, ” Wait, WHAT?” WHAT?”
I was shaking.
I wanted to scream “THE DEVIL IS A LIAR!!!!!!!!”
I couldn’t believe yet again; I had fallen for such a SIMPLE lie for 38 YEARS.
I had asked the question a thousand times before; “why-why-why am I so scared of marriage, men and relationships?”
And it was at that moment; He chose to show me and I couldn’t comprehend how it could be so simple.
“Unworthiness, Unworthiness, that is the reason for the trauma and torment I have been through all these years, UNWORTHINESS?”
A simple, seemingly insignificant thing like unworthiness had held me captive ALL THESE YEARS.
I was speechless. The “issue” seemed so complex to me, “it couldn’t be that simple I thought.”
But here is the thing: the devil is a liar and I hate him. And that is why I come to you with this little story.
I am tired of the lies holding people captive, making them believe things that JUST AREN’T TRUE.
I know the feeling of lies FEELING really real, but friends, if what we hear or think about ourselves doesn’t line up with what our Father in Heaven says that we are through Jesus Christ, it just isn’t true. I want to encourage you to seek the Lord, your loving Heavenly Father and ask Him.
“Father, is unworthiness something I struggle with?
shhhhhhhhhh, just listen.
Let your AMAZING Heavenly Father tell you if maybe you believe you are UNWORTHY of what you truly desire, it could be hindering you, if it is hiding within you.
The Bible says “His sheep hear His voice.” I believe that means, His sheep, us, hear His voice, Him.
Here are a few resources to learn more about how to hear His voice for yourself.
http://amzn.to/29G6j4Y -Hearing God’s Voice- Henry and Richard Blackaby
http://amzn.to/1VNCyUV – Hearing God- Dallas Willard
http://amzn.to/29YHOme – Discerning the Voice of God- Priscilla Shirer
http://amzn.to/29G6KfD – How to Hear from God- Joyce Meyer
I have not read all of the above, so use your discernment, read the reviews, these are all Bible teachers I enjoy, but they are human, and they may differ in opinion. One thing I have ZERO doubt about is, Jesus came to set you FREE.
Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
And the truth is, YOU.ARE.WORTHY!
Ps. if you want to dig in more to this subject of unworthiness, click here!