When I look back on my journal entries from the last year, I see confusion, fear, panic, stress and I see the very voice of God saying “you don’t have to figure it out Lindsay, I am God, you are not”
This little phrase was first coined (in my life anyway) by my precious friend Katherine Wolf. This girl and her family welcomed me into their home when I first moved here to LA, they provided a stable start to my unstable soul.
I honestly could not have asked for a more Biblically sound family to be near while I was really struggling with every single thing I believed.
They maybe did or didn’t know my deep struggle, but God did and He knew they were just the right people to put close to me in those days.
Although fear tried to overtake me like I had never experienced, God continued to provide people, places and experiences that didn’t necessarily take the fear or doubt away but made me press into Him more and more. It doesn’t sound fun and to be honest it wasn’t, but at the same time I knew that I knew that I had done the right thing. I had NO idea why I was here in LA, but I had no doubt that He had called me this way.
1 year later, I can tell you that I still don’t exactly know why I am here, I miss my people (Ohio, Atlanta, Texas) like crazy, but I know for now that this is where I am supposed to be and I am going to make the very best of it because He is God, and I am not!
Living every moment turning to Him and asking “what now Lord” is a true gift. A living God who loves us so much. It’s almost insane, that is why people often think we are insane for believing what we believe.
But that is ok, God is also teaching me about people pleasing. I can’t please the people, I can only pray for them, that they will one day understand the crazy unbelievable LOVE that the Father has for them. I still pray this for myself. I think it is a life long lesson, His love is so vast. A God who loves us and chooses to call Himself Father, to those who BELIEVE. A God who created us for relationship WITH HIM, it’s insane. A God that knew a generation (every generation) would need a Father, no matter who your father is on earth, no such one is perfect, so He set it up that He would be a Perfect Father to any who would receive this gift (of salvation in Jesus Christ)
It’s still a mystery to me most days, but my heart is beyond thankful that after 9 months of true struggle in this city, problem after problem, fear after fear, by His grace (ONLY) I just kept pushing through, praying, crying (a lot). I just kept going (even if I was tip toeing around all my fears) and things finally changed. Peace came to my soul. And that is my message for you today, JUST KEEP GOING. He IS with YOU!
Jesus Christ is the PRINCE OF PEACE, so as we live IN HIM. We get to live in PEACE.
Peace that truly does surpass all understanding. Philippines 4:7
I don’t understand it, I don’t think anyone else really does either (that is why it says a peace that surpasses ALL understanding).
All I know is that I lived without peace most of my 38 years, but as we seek Jesus, He is peace. I don’t have it figured out (and thanks be to God, I don’t have too) but I just try to stick to the simple truth of He is Peace and I need Peace, so I need Him every moment of every day!
Peace be with you Jesus would say, so I say that to YOU!
Peace be with YOU!
I love stories of “Putting the Pencil Down” and letting God lead us through life. I could not be more excited to introduce you to my dear sweet friend Hakan. The first time I met him I knew I needed to hear his story. Now I am thrilled to share it with you!
World meet Hakan.
I want to begin by saying Thank you to my new and dear friend Lindsay for giving me the opportunity to share on her blog!! Lindsay, your love for God and people has been an inspiration to many of us and we are blessed to have you here in LA!
I feel very excited and thankful to be able to share…
My name is Hakan Emden and incase you are wondering I’m from Turkey:) I have been called many different names including ‘how come’ and ‘chaka khan” ….Haha
I love sharing what God has done in my life…I can write about this forever….Here is my life story in short!
I grew up in Turkey with a loving family and I thank them for raising me, I am so grateful.
At the same time we all have issues that we carry from our past and childhood and so did I. I personally dealt with situations that were tough and I ended up with a lot of fear as a child. I was raised in an Islamic culture and I practiced the Muslim faith. Occasionally fasted, prayed, had a deep respect for God (I can still recite some of the Islamic prayers) and followed as best as I could.
After my dream of being a professional soccer player was over with an injury, in 2001 I found myself in United States…Pursuing and feeling that something special was going to happen here!
What does one ultimately want out of life? Why do we live? I asked myself.
I was certain that if I pursued and accomplished my dreams and desires I would be happy and fulfilled! At the end of the day I was certain that a good career, owning a house and a car and ultimately a relationship (marriage and having kids) would be the climax of life! So I went on…I was so motivated to make it in this life…lets do this!! I have worked at many different jobs (six flags, gas station, coaching soccer, modeling, personal training) and eventually things have gotten much better. There was period of 3 years in my life, where I had gotten involved with many relationships and hurt many people, trying to make more money, partying pretty hard!
In 2009 everything seemed like it was falling in place, I pretty much had everything I wanted and life was moving forward but in that same year…something started happening to my heart! I started thinking “what is the purpose of my life?” “When is it going to be enough?”…it is always the next job, bigger house, more money, better car, that dream relationship…but there had to be something more in life than this??? Seemed like my happiness was depending on my circumstance….I always believed in the existence of a God and I said; God there has to more to this life…what if I gain the whole world tomorrow, one day I’m going to die and they bury me under that ground and IT’S OVER!!!!!!!
I knew at that point in my heart that what I was looking for was Eternal…there was a gap in my heart that needed to be filled…and nothing in this world was able to!
So I began searching intensely and with an open heart…I picked up a Quran and a Bible and said ; God show me the way…and the Bible spoke to my heart like no other book did! I remember the very first scripture that spoke to me, I opened my Bible randomly and I read …what is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. (James 4:14)….I was astonished! These words not only spoke to my mind but penetrated into my heart! Than Jesus spoke to my life…. Love your enemies (Matthew 5:44) Jesus said; There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friend (John 15:13)..and soon I realized that Jesus has laid down His life for me, demonstrating the greatest love anybody can encounter! I became a Christian 5 years ago at the age of 33:) and it has completely changed my life, my heart…I feel this eternal sense of Love now, I found so much Joy and healing through God and ultimately unfailing love that no one can give you!
I can write about this forever….You see all of my life I viewed God and religion as bunch of rules and regulations, do’s and don’ts…And I came to discover that it is a beautiful relationship…The Bible is the most romantic Love story you will ever read that is written for you and I! I’m in Love with God now and I want to share this love with the world!
If I can finish with a thought about my heart…and where my life is today…This scripture will summarize it well…
“The Kingdom of Heaven is like a treasure hidden in a field, when a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field”
Thank you for reading, I love you all, I bless you all and Joy Joy Joy:)
If you want to talk more email me at hakanemden
I woke up this morning thinking so many things depended on me. The burden of confusion was so heavy, my heart was hurting as I thought about all the people I love and what they might be going through, thinking how I could help them. The feeling of utter hopelessness came over me that this “feeling” was never going to go away.
Like all the sudden I thought I was God and responsible for every person I know and their feelings, bordering on co-dependency here people. I have been through this, I am not going back!
So what do we do when we wake up feeling discouraged? I have a few thoughts!
1. Turn to God first, even if you don’t feel like it. I turned over to my phone, clicked opened my Bible App. A writing mentor of mine Lysa Terkeurst is coming out with a new book called “The First 5” and she talks about how important it is to give even just your first 5 minutes to the Lord. I love this because not everyone has a ton of time in the morning, but we all get to decide who we give our first few minutes too, facebook? Instagram? (I love instagram) or God? The FREE Bible App (YouVersion) makes this SO easy to at least read the “Verse of the Day”. My recommendation is to just read it slowly, think about what it really means? Meditate on it for your 1st few moments of your day.
2. Ask for prayer! Don’t be embarrassed. I know it is humbling, but it’s ok. I sent a text out to a few of my sweet friends and asked them to say a prayer. I just needed help out of this ditch I woke up in. And if you don’t have any praying friends, do what I did just this past December. I was so desperate for the Lord to answer my prayers for friends and community here in LA and felt I had bugged my friends back home enough! I went to the websites of some of my favorite Bible teachers and pressed “request prayer” and literally sent my prayer request into some strangers. I needed help praying. (Guess what, two months later, I had amazing friends here in LA, prayer works)
3. Get out your journal or a piece of paper. This helps me tremendously, I just start to write out my feelings to God. All of them, see He knows EVERYTHING anyway, the good, bad and the ugly, for heaven sakes He knows every hair on your head. Just get really real with Him, He knows every thought and wants to help you. Putting your feelings on paper can give you clarity.
4. Get on your knees. I didn’t feel like it this morning, I kept hearing the voice in my head say “it’s not going to help Lindsay, you have totally gone backwards, you thought you had such victory, but look at you” IGNORE the voice and the thoughts that are pretending to be yours. Force yourself to get up, get down on you knees, and pray even if it is two words “Father, Help”. He will, He is our ever present help in time of need. Psalm 46:1 (ASV) God is our refuge and strength, A very present help in trouble. Even if you have to yell out scripture or google scripture that you are so in need of to yell out in your house by yourself or with your children, just speak the truth over your life. I know it’s awkward I just did it this morning. But push through the lies, the feelings, they are trying to keep you down.
5. Turn on a GO TOO! I don’t know about you but when I struggle like this in my mind I have a ‘go to’ that I go to! Joyce Meyer has helped me with matters of the mind more than anyone I can point too. I know if things start getting foggy, it’s time to turn her own and hear the truth of the matter, that the battlefield is in the mind and we are not alone.
Would love to hear your thoughts on this subject, comment below!
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