I get not knowing Him, I never really knew Him, well I knew of Him, but honestly I didn’t understand that Jesus was a real person who walked on this earth.
Don’t ask me why! I don’t know.
The past couple of weeks, I had been slacking on my Bible reading. Then I was wondering why I felt so distant from God (hmmm Lindsay- not brain surgery)
Here is the thing, God through His Holy Spirit penned the Bible through 40 different authors, the Bible is literally the Word of God. The God who created the universe.
I use to think the Bible was a special book, one you adored, maybe you would hold it or pet it (is that weird) you know what I mean.
I didn’t know people read it.
I didn’t. Serious.
Then I learned that God wrote it divinely and He didn’t do it for Himself, He did it for us.
Here is the other thing- when I first discovered God’s real love for me, I was shocked and excited. I wanted to learn all I could about living the way He the One who knows everything tells us to live. It just seemed logical to me. He created everything, He probably knows the best way to do things. Wouldn’t you think?
Plus I had tried it my way for 31 years and although I don’t regret those years, they were a complete disaster especially on the inside. I don’t even know if anyone really knew what was going on inside my soul. It was ugly.
The enemy will lie to you…. oh he will lie.
BUT Jesus came to SET US FREE!!!! AMEN AMEN.. The Truth will set you free.
I learned the Word of God is TRUTH and everything else, lies… Lies set out to steal from you, steal life from you.
31 years had been stolen from me and when I found out, I was kinda ticked off, not at Jesus, He was the One who came to show me the Truth. Jesus is the Truth, the Bible says He is the Word made flesh, WHAT. SO awesome!!!!!
I was ticked at the enemy of my soul. He comes to kill, steal and destroy. He doesn’t have any real power, but the Bible refers to him as the Father of Lies, so that is that.
He wants you to think I am a nut case, he wants you to think this is a bunch of crap, he wants you as believers to think “you have got this”, he wants you to think you have read the Bible and you are good, he wants you to think that reading your Bible daily is legalistic or over spiritual.
Jesus, He said it is the bread of life. The Bible says the Word is Jesus and Jesus is the Word.
I surely don’t know all the answers, but I do believe sticking close to God and the Bible, all the while knowing there is grace for “those days”, is probably a wise thing to do!
This is all a little strange.
If you could see me now, you would shake your head in confusion, you may laugh and say to yourself, what on earth is she doing?
It’s more like a strange dream than a vacation. As I sit and type this to you, I see Ketchikan Alaska to my right, it’s not bad, just different. Different than where I ever thought I would be.
We all have our list, you know “the travel wish list” and this wasn’t on mine. Of course I am extra interested in all the workers on board, seeing they are from the Philippines and India. I just want to talk to them, hear their stories, go with them to visit their countries. I think they think I am strange.
It’s ok to be strange. (smile)
Don’t get me wrong, I am grateful, I am just slightly confused why I am here. I am snickering as I write this, it’s just funny. A fish out of water, no pun intended.
I have eaten a lot. I am really full as I sit here and wait on my biscuits and gravy.
You may wonder why I am here and what the point of this blog is, good question.
I am learning about visual storytelling! It’s something that seems easy, but there is a lot to it, it’s an art all of it’s own!
The conference is small and the teachers are brilliant! They are Hollywood people! Like the real kind. It’s crazy! They also love Jesus, which of course I think is awesome!
The others at the conference are way ahead of me in the art of “screenwriting”- I just came to check it out! My new friends have pilots written, screenplays even. As for me, I just enjoy being the dumbest person in the room, you learn best that way!
We have been talking a lot about THEME, plot and characters.
And the theme of this trip seems to be TRUST. I keep coming back to TRUST.
Throughout the week God keeps asking me if I trust Him?
Me: “Yes Lord, I do!” I repeatedly clamor!
As the next thought that zips across my brain is “what on earth am I doing here? Have I totally lost my marbles?”
Again His response to me: “Do you trust me Lindsay?”
As I look over my journal from the past few days, I find empty pages with a date at the top and then the words: “I have no idea”
To be honest, I am starting to think this “no idea” part is exactly where God wants me.
Nothing, not even one thing seems to “make sense”.
Suddenly I was reminded to take a sip of my own medicine, “read your own blog Lindsay” I heard in my head. “Let go of the need to know. Trust the Lord with all of your heart, lean not on your own understanding, let Him write the next scene of your life”
It’s all a little too ironic.
I reminded myself again, He (GOD) created the universe, the glaciers I saw, the ocean I am floating around in, He created all of it.
I “randomly” opened my Bible over coffee yesterday morning and saw this in Psalm 97 (verse 3) For the Lord is a great God, a great King above all gods. The depths of the earth are in His hand, and the mountain peaks are His. (I saw some of His mountain peaks, they indeed are incredible) it goes on to say: The sea is His, He made it, His hands formed the dry land.
Ya’all THAT’S crazy.
God who created it all, loves us, cares about what we care about, cries with us when we cry.
Don’t let the world steal that from you, it’s a big deal, the Bible says, draw near to God and He will draw near to you!
This cruise, this screenwriting stuff, it’s all kind of irrelevant if I am being really honest with myself, especially compared to the LOVE of the One who created love.
We wouldn’t even know what LOVE was if it were not for Him.
I have put my identity in plenty of things over the past 36 years. I refuse to do it again, it isn’t about what I may or may not accomplish in my writing, on this cruise, in this lifetime. It is about the hard to understand, but ever present LOVE of the One who created me, and YOU.
That’s it, that’s all I really know! That and the fact that every town in Alaska looks like an episode of Northern Exposure!
I had to post this quick, internet is .75 cents a minute.. so excuse any mistakes…
My blog is called Putting the Pencil Down because 4 years ago a dear friend of mine who I immensely respect said to me “Lindsay, let go and let God write the story of your life.”
I honestly had never heard that before, but it impacted me deeply, she probably doesn’t remember, but it changed something inside of me.
I had always thought it was up to me to make my life what it was and it was my fault if my life was a failure. This thought put a lot of pressure on me and I didn’t handle it well. I lived in stress and deep seeded fear. I had my outlets as most do. None of them were healthy, but I couldn’t do this life alone, it was too hard.
My writing seems to always be about the grace, the struggle and the expectant heart of a moment by moment surrender to the God who created the universe. The God who is capable, much more capable than me to lead my life. I just didn’t know He cared. I thought He was busy with world wars and starving people, why would He care about little me?
Then I learned about Jesus, it seems so outrageous that God would come to earth as a human, a man, His own son because He loved the people He created so much!
He came to rescue us from our own sin.
Life is crazy, it’s one miracle and miraculous answered prayer followed by a run in with your flesh (usually with the help of the deceiver) that straight up hijacks your peace, steals your joy and tries to take you out.
Hold on dear one with everything in you.
Situation after situation we seem to have a choice, a choice that says “am I going to control it, am I going to manipulate it, am I going to make it happen? Am I going to worry about how to make it happen, or am I going to be still and know He is God?
I was dealing with this just last week, a desire I had, seemingly small I thought.
I thought things were going “my way” until I had a conversation that made me aware that it just might not go my way. I had a million ideas on how I could “make this happen” I wasn’t necessarily being manipulative. I just knew the right people to talk to, the right things to say to get my way.
I knew deep down I wasn’t trusting God in this situation and as faithful as God has been to me in the past 5 years, in the past 35 years even when I didn’t give a lick about Him, He was still faithful. But “this time Lord? Will you be faithful THIS time?”
My point (good question, right?): surrender isn’t a one time act, it is a moment by moment decision YOU make to either keep the “pencil” and write the ending, the next chapter, the next scene yourself or to hand it back to your Maker, the Creator of the entire Universe. Trusting Him at His word, to pray until peace arises from within. Oh please know, I do know it is hard, it is sometimes a battle, it is a lot of time on our knees, fighting for what IS already ours.
I sometimes (more than I care to admit) wonder “can I really trust you God in ______ (insert your struggle of the moment) and then I think, who else on earth would I rather trust?
He created me! He created the ENTIRE universe, He knows every hair on my head, He loves me most. He loves me when I am at “my best” in my faith and He also loves me JUST THE SAME when I struggle to believe Him.
Then the question still remains, is there anyone better to trust?
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