Why is identity so important?
Because “as a man think in his heart, therefore He is” Proverbs 23:7 King James
What we believe about ourselves deep in our hearts, we will ultimately become.
I use to think really odd things about myself, but at the time, I thought those weird things were me, I didn’t know I had a creator who adored me and I surely didn’t know I had an adversary who wanted to destroy me. I had no idea of the war around me.
I didn’t know I had a choice who I put my identity in, I didn’t know I had a choice of what I put my identity in, I thought I was just who I was, “I “MUST” have been born this way, I thought!” That is what people would tell me, that is what tv would tell me, that is what my feelings were telling me, that is what life told me, I didn’t know I had a choice, I thought “this must just be who I am” therefore I must accept it, believe it and then as scripture says, I would become it.
THIS MAKES ME SAD, because I spent so many years believing TERRIBLE things about myself and guess what, I had to drink myself to an oblivion to drown out the things that I hated about myself that weren’t even TRUE.
I don’t pretend to know why people take their own lives, but I remember wanting to take mine and it was because what I believed was true about me, made me want to die.
God wanted me desperately to know who I was, as His beloved daughter, but He gives us free will, it was my choice, I just didn’t know it.
Well until that day, I heard the thoughts in my head so clearly, and they were so mean, but I didn’t know I was being lied to, all I heard was “you are worthless Lindsay, you are such an idiot, I can’t believe you thought anyone would ever love you, look what you did, you left everyone who would love you and now look at you pathetic again, you might as well just call it quits, you are SUCH a loser, NO ONE WILL EVER LOVE YOU”
I didn’t know God at this time nor did I know the devil who I now know was talking to me, but by God’s grace, I called out to Him, I felt like I was being beaten over the head with a crowbar and as I felt like I was going to die, I simply said “God” not even knowing God and as clear as day I heard deep in my being “I am right here, Lindsay, I have always been right here” and without a shadow of a doubt, I KNEW it was God. I didn’t know God, but it was like He knew how to make Himself known to me.
The room went silent, the mean voice stopped and a tangible peace, Peace Himself came to the rescue.
It was the beginning of my walk towards Jesus! I didn’t know, but He would lead me to Himself. What a gracious GOD!
The actual definition of the word “identity” according to google is:
the fact of being who or what a person or thing is.
what a person is?
What are we?
I think my sociology professor wrote that on the blackboard back in college.
What are we?
According to the bible, no, we are not what we do, not even close. We are in fact none of these.
We are beloved children of the MOST HIGH GOD, so that lie that no one will ever love me, was the furthest thing from the truth, actually what the enemy was trying to tell me was the exact opposite of what God the Creator of the Universe says about me.
What is God saying about you? And what is the enemy saying about you?
The only true and sure way to know this is to search scripture, find out what the Creator of the Universe who calls you daughter, who calls you son has to say about you because it is not only true, it’s beautiful, it’s stunning and it will make you blush!
You may not be all those things that those around you say you are, you may not be those feelings that you have, you are definitely not those mean thoughts in your head, you are not who the media says you are, you are without a doubt who GOD SAYS YOU ARE and I can promise you that even if you don’t “feel” like that, it doesn’t mean it’s not true.
What is true, is what scripture says about you, that is what is true, whether you feel like it or not. If you have been believing a lie about yourself for years, it may take time to unravel.
If what you think about yourself doesn’t line up with scripture, you are being deceived and let me tell you I was deceived about some things for 39 years, so when I tell you that what you think you are may not be true, I am speaking from experience.
Has it taken time for me to unravel those lies, yes, a long time actually. But He is a healer, a restorer and a redeemer and if we continue to seek Him, He will show us the way out of the lie.
Father, God I pray for these precious people that read this blog, you know every hair on their head, you know every desire of their heart, and you know every lie they are believing about who they are, Lord, reveal, send your Holy Spirit to show them the truth of who they were made to be, who they are in You, Lord it’s only by your grace that any of us are free from the lies, come and heal our minds, hearts, bodies and souls, our emotions, our wills. WE CAN’T DO IT WITHOUT YOU.
It is in the powerful and almighty name of Jesus Christ I PRAY!
As we talked about last time, there are these LIES that the enemy tells us from a young age! It’s sad, but it’s true, and it’s OK because our God, Jesus, came to destroy the works of the devil. 1 John 3:8
As we seek Him, we can overcome these lies and move forward with tons of peace, JOY, and love in our lives.
But first, we must confront these lies. We must look inside to see if we have in fact been lied to.
Lie#1. Unworthiness- which talked about in our last post- click here to read!
Lie#2. Fear- let’s deal with this TODAY!
The devil comes only to kill, steal and destroy. John 10:10
But “I have come that you may have life, and have it abundantly,” Jesus said.
I can only talk about these “lies” with a passion because I have dealt with each one very personally. And I believe our sweet God allowed it so I could encourage you that they can be overcome. For it is God’s will for you to be FREE in Jesus Christ! John 8:32
So let’s continue!
Fear comes in many many many forms, but for this article, we are going to talk about the fear of men. As in guys!
You might think of it like fearing intimacy with men.
I had such a misunderstanding of men because I believed terrible lies about them for years.
One specific lie that I believed about men is that I wasn’t good enough for a man to really love me.
When God started to reveal a way out for me, a way out of this “fear of intimacy, this fear that I wasn’t good enough,” it was well, scary.
One day a few years ago, I was journaling at my friend Sarah’s house in Atlanta, GA, I had a sense that the Lord was asking me to do online dating.
Now I had done this before- but in the most unhealthy way POSSIBLE, I was desperate and needy for love, because I hadn’t yet realized the healing power of the very real and tangible love of God through Jesus Christ.
So the idea of doing this again seemed SO UNHOLY to me. I was totally against it; I thought it meant I didn’t trust God.
“Lord this CANNOT be you, I need major confirmation if this is you,” I exclaimed.
My friend Sarah is the most AMAZING Bible Teacher ever, and I respect her opinion in a fierce way.
As I shared with her what I thought the Lord was showing me, she said, “Lindsay, although I am not an outspoken proponent of online dating typically, I think for you, with your history of fearing men, this could be a way for you to be more comfortable around men.”
She then said, “I would pray before you go, see what the Lord wants to show you.”
And crazy enough this lined up quite well with what Dr. Henry Cloud’s book talks about (mentioned in this post).
Dating is for learning about yourself and others and seeing what might be a good fit for a lifetime.
UGH.. it seemed horrifying to me to actually have to FACE MY FEAR. Well the LIE that caused the fear.
But here is the thing, when you still believe the lie, you don’t have much clarity that it is a lie. You aren’t sure why you do what you do or feel like you feel, it’s a lie, so it tends to cause confusion.
What I have come to learn is that it isn’t about a one size fits all, for some people online dating isn’t wise because they have different tendencies than I do. For instance, it’s not a good idea for me to drink alcohol anymore because I was an alcoholic. And I didn’t know it at the time, it seemed like I was just a really fun party girl, but I had a deep dependence on alcohol to cope with things I couldn’t handle.
So if a woman knows that her tendency with men is to indulge like I did with alcohol, to fill a void or cope in some way, then it’s probably NOT a good idea for that woman.
But sweet one, that is something to ask God in prayer, I believe He will show you because the Bible says He knows what we need even before we ask. Matthew 6:8
So let’s pause there for today.
And BE EXCITED and ENCOURAGED that the Lord is good, and His LOVE endures forever, even while we wait for whatever it is we are waiting for in this life.
“Father, I pray you pour out your love in a new and unique way to every person who reads this prayer. Father, I pray whether they have known You 5 minutes or 55 years, you show them a new side of YOUR love this week!”
Friend, you are dearly loved, you are His beloved. Allow yourself to be loved today, ask Your Heavenly Father to love you today and just keep your eyes open for how He shows you He adores you!
Do You Love Stories? This is a Classic Book You Will LOVE.
In case you’re new to the blog! #GuySchool is a special section on here for singles. Look up, look to the middle and look for #guyschool
I am posting this next #guyschool series on the main blog because it’s about things that all humans deal with, so think of it from whatever context you find yourself in…
In our last little #guyschool lecture we talked about –looking inside a bit.
The reason: something might be holding us back that we don’t even realize.
See, the devil, he is a liar, and unfortunately a powerful liar. Jesus called him “the Father of lies.” He is real, and he starts early in our lives, planting seeds of unworthiness, fear, rejection, abandonment, identity, confusion, discouragement, and victimhood. He comes only to kill, steal and destroy. John 10:10
So we are going to start from the beginning of this list of issues above and work our way through it over the next several months.
I like to share my testimony with you because the Bible clearly says “We overcome the enemy by the blood of the Lamb (JESUS) and the word of our testimony” Revelation 12:11
Now, let’s start with you, Unworthiness!
It was a few months into my “walking through the fear of marriage with God,” as I found myself laying on the floor crying. Hard.
I heard The Spirit of God (Holy Spirit) softly whisper to my heart “Lindsay, it’s up to you, you know that marriage is not all rainbows and puppy dogs but you have to decide, do you want to get married or not?” I had a sense; he was asking me.
It was one of the most painful experiences to actually dig into my soul and ask myself, “was I willing to TRUST in this area?” This area that for some reason was hardest for me? My heart!
The fear was SO deep, the fear of marriage that is, well the fear was really of abandonment and rejection. I thought if I got married, I would risk being abandoned and/or rejected, so it kept me from wanting to get married. But we will get to those (abandonment and rejection) later.
38 believing lies and they were deep and holding on with everything. It hurt, bad, but after a tear-filled evening, I got it out, “yes, Lord, even if it is hard, I do desire to be married.”
That was two years ago and that evening broke something deep within my soul. And at the same time started something. An even deeper healing of sorts, led by the Lord.
I completely recognize that some of you are thinking “that’s nice for you Lindsay, but I have been praying for my husband for 40 years.”
And I hear you, I have dear, dear friends who would say just that, and they are AMAZING catches for some SMART MAN some day! But see the lie can sneak in, it can hold us back in all kinds of different ways.
I share my story because I don’t pretend to know everyone’s, but if you want to share yours, email me!
ok, back to the story! A few weeks later, as I was boarding a plane, I heard a still small voice say “it was just good old fashion unworthiness Lindsay.” I didn’t even ask a question, but the words just came to me.
I stopped half way down the aisle of the plane and thought to myself, ” Wait, WHAT?” WHAT?”
I was shaking.
I wanted to scream “THE DEVIL IS A LIAR!!!!!!!!”
I couldn’t believe yet again; I had fallen for such a SIMPLE lie for 38 YEARS.
I had asked the question a thousand times before; “why-why-why am I so scared of marriage, men and relationships?”
And it was at that moment; He chose to show me and I couldn’t comprehend how it could be so simple.
“Unworthiness, Unworthiness, that is the reason for the trauma and torment I have been through all these years, UNWORTHINESS?”
A simple, seemingly insignificant thing like unworthiness had held me captive ALL THESE YEARS.
I was speechless. The “issue” seemed so complex to me, “it couldn’t be that simple I thought.”
But here is the thing: the devil is a liar and I hate him. And that is why I come to you with this little story.
I am tired of the lies holding people captive, making them believe things that JUST AREN’T TRUE.
I know the feeling of lies FEELING really real, but friends, if what we hear or think about ourselves doesn’t line up with what our Father in Heaven says that we are through Jesus Christ, it just isn’t true. I want to encourage you to seek the Lord, your loving Heavenly Father and ask Him.
“Father, is unworthiness something I struggle with?
shhhhhhhhhh, just listen.
Let your AMAZING Heavenly Father tell you if maybe you believe you are UNWORTHY of what you truly desire, it could be hindering you, if it is hiding within you.
The Bible says “His sheep hear His voice.” I believe that means, His sheep, us, hear His voice, Him.
Here are a few resources to learn more about how to hear His voice for yourself.
http://amzn.to/29G6j4Y -Hearing God’s Voice- Henry and Richard Blackaby
http://amzn.to/1VNCyUV – Hearing God- Dallas Willard
http://amzn.to/29YHOme – Discerning the Voice of God- Priscilla Shirer
http://amzn.to/29G6KfD – How to Hear from God- Joyce Meyer
I have not read all of the above, so use your discernment, read the reviews, these are all Bible teachers I enjoy, but they are human, and they may differ in opinion. One thing I have ZERO doubt about is, Jesus came to set you FREE.
Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
And the truth is, YOU.ARE.WORTHY!
Ps. if you want to dig in more to this subject of unworthiness, click here!
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