In case you’re new to the blog! #GuySchool is a special section on here for singles. Look up, look to the middle and look for #guyschool
I am posting this next #guyschool series on the main blog because it’s about things that all humans deal with, so think of it from whatever context you find yourself in…
In our last little #guyschool lecture we talked about –looking inside a bit.
The reason: something might be holding us back that we don’t even realize.
See, the devil, he is a liar, and unfortunately a powerful liar. Jesus called him “the Father of lies.” He is real, and he starts early in our lives, planting seeds of unworthiness, fear, rejection, abandonment, identity, confusion, discouragement, and victimhood. He comes only to kill, steal and destroy. John 10:10
So we are going to start from the beginning of this list of issues above and work our way through it over the next several months.
I like to share my testimony with you because the Bible clearly says “We overcome the enemy by the blood of the Lamb (JESUS) and the word of our testimony” Revelation 12:11
Now, let’s start with you, Unworthiness!
It was a few months into my “walking through the fear of marriage with God,” as I found myself laying on the floor crying. Hard.
I heard The Spirit of God (Holy Spirit) softly whisper to my heart “Lindsay, it’s up to you, you know that marriage is not all rainbows and puppy dogs but you have to decide, do you want to get married or not?” I had a sense; he was asking me.
It was one of the most painful experiences to actually dig into my soul and ask myself, “was I willing to TRUST in this area?” This area that for some reason was hardest for me? My heart!
The fear was SO deep, the fear of marriage that is, well the fear was really of abandonment and rejection. I thought if I got married, I would risk being abandoned and/or rejected, so it kept me from wanting to get married. But we will get to those (abandonment and rejection) later.
38 believing lies and they were deep and holding on with everything. It hurt, bad, but after a tear-filled evening, I got it out, “yes, Lord, even if it is hard, I do desire to be married.”
That was two years ago and that evening broke something deep within my soul. And at the same time started something. An even deeper healing of sorts, led by the Lord.
I completely recognize that some of you are thinking “that’s nice for you Lindsay, but I have been praying for my husband for 40 years.”
And I hear you, I have dear, dear friends who would say just that, and they are AMAZING catches for some SMART MAN some day! But see the lie can sneak in, it can hold us back in all kinds of different ways.
I share my story because I don’t pretend to know everyone’s, but if you want to share yours, email me!
ok, back to the story! A few weeks later, as I was boarding a plane, I heard a still small voice say “it was just good old fashion unworthiness Lindsay.” I didn’t even ask a question, but the words just came to me.
I stopped half way down the aisle of the plane and thought to myself, ” Wait, WHAT?” WHAT?”
I was shaking.
I wanted to scream “THE DEVIL IS A LIAR!!!!!!!!”
I couldn’t believe yet again; I had fallen for such a SIMPLE lie for 38 YEARS.
I had asked the question a thousand times before; “why-why-why am I so scared of marriage, men and relationships?”
And it was at that moment; He chose to show me and I couldn’t comprehend how it could be so simple.
“Unworthiness, Unworthiness, that is the reason for the trauma and torment I have been through all these years, UNWORTHINESS?”
A simple, seemingly insignificant thing like unworthiness had held me captive ALL THESE YEARS.
I was speechless. The “issue” seemed so complex to me, “it couldn’t be that simple I thought.”
But here is the thing: the devil is a liar and I hate him. And that is why I come to you with this little story.
I am tired of the lies holding people captive, making them believe things that JUST AREN’T TRUE.
I know the feeling of lies FEELING really real, but friends, if what we hear or think about ourselves doesn’t line up with what our Father in Heaven says that we are through Jesus Christ, it just isn’t true. I want to encourage you to seek the Lord, your loving Heavenly Father and ask Him.
“Father, is unworthiness something I struggle with?
shhhhhhhhhh, just listen.
Let your AMAZING Heavenly Father tell you if maybe you believe you are UNWORTHY of what you truly desire, it could be hindering you, if it is hiding within you.
The Bible says “His sheep hear His voice.” I believe that means, His sheep, us, hear His voice, Him.
Here are a few resources to learn more about how to hear His voice for yourself.
http://amzn.to/29G6j4Y -Hearing God’s Voice- Henry and Richard Blackaby
http://amzn.to/1VNCyUV – Hearing God- Dallas Willard
http://amzn.to/29YHOme – Discerning the Voice of God- Priscilla Shirer
http://amzn.to/29G6KfD – How to Hear from God- Joyce Meyer
I have not read all of the above, so use your discernment, read the reviews, these are all Bible teachers I enjoy, but they are human, and they may differ in opinion. One thing I have ZERO doubt about is, Jesus came to set you FREE.
Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
And the truth is, YOU.ARE.WORTHY!
Ps. if you want to dig in more to this subject of unworthiness, click here!
As night fell I couldn’t see where I was going, my phone was dying and my GPS kept leading me down the wrong roads. I remember reciting Psalm 23, as I drove.
Finally arriving at a little cabin in the woods, I walked into a room full of girls around my age and this one particular girl who Sarah (my friend leading the retreat) had spoken a lot about named Katherine Wolf.
As Katherine spoke about her near death experience, I sat still without taking a breath, it was intense, but she had this uncanny faith that made me wonder “how could she have so much faith when she has been through so much pain?”
I didn’t understand it, but it struck me deep, “there had to be more to this Jesus than I currently understood, He had to be more real than I had yet experienced.” Holding onto “Jesus” is one thing when life is going well, but then remaining in that after almost all has been lost was profound to me.
The word “hope” was not a word that informed my life, for me it was more like “hide and survive”. Hide from the pain and just try to make it through life.
But 6 years after that retreat, I sit here in LA privileged to work with Jay and Katherine Wolf and their ministry Hope Heals.
I never thought about the truth that Hope can actually heal you. It’s true and may look different than it does for Katherine, for me healing is more emotional than physical, it can also be mental or spiritual.
We all need healing in one way or another and the good news is, there is healing to be had.
Katherine and Jay’s story is an AMAZING book now. It is such a testimony of a God who does not leave us in the dark, even when all seems lost.
Katherine had her greatest moment of despair in brain rehab as she told God that everyone’s life would be better if she was gone, if she would have died, she said “Jay could marry a normal women and James could have a normal mommy,” but before that thought could fully land she was struck by a “dispatch from God” that went something like this…
Katherine, I am God you are not. There is a purpose in all of this. Just wait. You’ll see. There is no replacing you. Jay could never, ever marry a woman as amazing as you. James could never have a mommy like you. Think about what this will mean for his life. Mommy’s stroke will always be a part of his story. That is a gift to him. It will inform his life. Let him consider it pure joy as he grows. All of this will teach him in ways beyond anything you could say or do.
Trust Me. I am working out EVERYTHING for your good. Don’t doubt this truth just because you are in the darkness now. What’s true in the light is true in the dark. I know you can’t fight this. That doesn’t matter. All you have to do is be still and let Me fight for you. I will complete the good work I began when I gave you new life. I will carry it on to completion. Believe that. My nature is to redeem and restore and strengthen. This terrible season will come to an end. You will suffer for a little while and then I will carry you out of this.
You will see My goodness in the land of the living. Lean into this hope. Let it teach you how special you are.
Katherine has a bunch of favorite passages of scripture, but two that give me hope are…
28 And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.
This hope we have as an anchor of the soul, a hope both sure and steadfast and one which enters within the veil.
To purchase this book click here OR to win a free signed copy, leave a comment below with your favorite encouraging scripture verse.
*Winner must have a US mailing address, must be subscribed to Putting the Pencil Down Blog and must return “winner” email if selected within 10 days or another winner will be chosen (via, good old name in the hat draw)
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