I guess I apologize for myself a lot.
I didn’t even realize, until my awesome friend Jen was like “Lindsay, stop apologizing for yourself and everything you say, you do that a lot, girl that is insecurity”
“Ohhh!” I thought
“That’s what it is?”
Thankfully by God’s grace I heard her through the lens of love and wanting freedom for me, not in an “ouch that hurt, now I am going to go feel sorry for myself” kind of way, which, friends, is what I use to do.
We really do need to learn to celebrate the small victories in our lives. #DontWaitToCelebrate my Hope Healers would say, from Hope Heals Ministry
It was about 8 months ago during a prayer time at church that this amazing lady (Jamie, you know who you are) walked up to me and said “God loves your tender heart Lindsay, but He is going to strengthen you”
I thought, “sounds good Lord, have your way” although at the time I didn’t know what that even meant.
Looking back, I see how God has been working out issues of unworthiness, fear and now insecurity in my life. He is strengthening me, He is taking off layers of lies that were holding me down. And without the help of a brave friend, I don’t know that I would have pinpointed that my unnecessary apologizing was a sign of lacking confidence that my opinion even mattered.
In the past I would have been deeply offended by someone calling me insecure and I personally think offense is a crafty tool in the devil’s hand.
If we are offended by a true word, we won’t see it as something that can actually set us free. If the devil can keep us offended, that keeps us in bondage.
Obviously not everything someone says to you is from the Lord. We are human, people are super average at best, but they (because of the Holy Spirit inside of them) are connected to a supernatural God. But it’s always best that you check these things with your Supernatural Father and His amazing Word.
In this scenario, when my friend Jen said “Lindsay that is insecurity” it was like my eyes were opened to a truth that I believe God wanted me to see. Our security comes from Him, we lack nothing in Him, therefore, this was inline with His Word without question.
I went home and thought about it, I prayed and asked God to show me how to get past this, I looked the definition up on google, and wondered to myself “what is insecurity anyway?”
lack of confidence or assurance; self-doubt: (the dictionary said)
“YUCK, let’s get rid of it.” I thought.
My friend Jen, who isn’t going to candy coat anything, said to me the next week “Lindsay, I can totally see a change in you, you didn’t apologize once for yourself tonight, it was stunning, you are stunning” and I knew she meant it. I knew God had done something already. Then a day later another friend said to me “Lindsay, your true beauty is coming out, you seem so much more confident”. And then just a few days after that a sweet brother of mine said “Lindsay, you look beautiful, it’s like a confidence has come from the inside out and it looks good on you.”
I was like, WHOA, I think something has happened here!
And to top it off I have had the biggest zits on my face these past few weeks while all of this is going on, which coincidentally (wink wink) has always been one of my deepest insecurities, externally anyway.
What I think my friends saw, was inner healing manifesting on the outside, big zits and all.
Yes, huge zits, ugh, I am doing this super healthy cleanse my sister (aka editor and mother to my favorite two little people on earth) has me on. I think it is really working, cleaning all the yuck out, from the inside out and well for a short time it is all appearing on my face.
Oh the strange parallel.
What about you? Has a friend (or a stranger) said something to you that just might be from the Lord? To help you? To free you? I suggest praying into it, see if there might be a little lesson inside, just for you? And if you feel offended, check the “why” behind that, you never know what you might find.
He is a good good Father! He wants us free, friends, from all the lies and entanglement that this world can so easily help us become ensnared too!
Whew, let’s do this, FREEDOM!
I use to believe the girls in the fancy boutiques who would tell me “that outfit” looked so good on me. Or the new hairstylist who said, “oh yeah you need to do your hair this way, it frames your face” when inside, I didn’t agree, but I was so insecure that I thought “well they must know better than me”
I actually thought a random person knew better than me about how I felt I looked.
That’s called deep insecurity.
Why would I care what someone else thinks? If I feel pretty, shouldn’t that be all that matters? Oh yeah, people pleasing combined with deep insecurity.
But tonight I had a victory, and I love those little victories between us and the Lord. Our Heavenly Daddy loves seeing His kids get free from all wrong thinking, even if it is one little victory at a time. He sent His son so we would be free!
Tonight I was walking through Macy’s trying to get to the parking lot and out of nowhere a girl confidently asked me, “can I show you something”? Usually I am pretty good at being kind and buzzing right by, but this girl had some solid sales skills and before I knew it she was telling me about my eyebrows and painting something on them. I couldn’t get a word in to tell her I had no money and no intention of buying this product. After she was done, she led me to the mirror and I exclaimed “oh no no no, no girl, I don’t do my eyebrows like that, you are sweet, but no, that is not cute” I couldn’t even pretend, it looked scary.
Now as a recovering people pleaser, that was a victory. Yes believe it or not. As an insecure girl who hated herself for years and hated even more the way she looked (talking about me here) that was a HUGE VICTORY. But even after my horror, the make-up sales ninja said “oh I think it looks great on you” those dreaded words that want to creep in and try to manipulate you. But this time I was like “oh no, honey, that doesn’t look good on me, oh wow, no”
As I continued through the store, I kept passing mirrors and glancing over at my new, extra long, slightly scary eyebrows and smiling that THIS TIME, I won. This time I realized that I knew better than the random person. This time I had enough confidence to know what looks good on me and what doesn’t. This time, I remembered that everything that anyone says to me is for MY CONSIDERATION and I considered that make-up tip a nono. And I knew it was a victory over my past insecure thinking.
I use to listen to what EVERYONE said about me, good, bad or ugly and believe it. And let me tell you, that was exhausting.
It’s exhausting to listen to people’s opinions and try to figure out who is right and who is wrong, I would tend to take in what people said as truth, no matter what they said. I never knew until about a year ago that everything anyone said, was for me to consider. That honestly changed my world. I got to choose whether I agreed with you or kindly didn’t agree with you.
The love of the Heavenly Father is so real and tangible, it is for us to walk in every moment of the day, the question becomes do we believe about ourselves what our Heavenly Father says about us? Or do we believe what others say about us?
I have an idea, I did this a few years ago and it was really really amazing. I want to challenge you to do it too.
Sit down and write a Love Letter from God to you. I am serious. Share with me if you want too. I will feature some on my facebook page. Or not. You don’t have to share it with anyone if you don’t want too.
But definitely do it.
When I did it, I was pretty new to my relationship with God and I didn’t really know what God said about me, so I went to His Word. It was so fun and exhilarating to search His scriptures with the help of good old google to see just what the Father says about His children, about me!
Thanks Jan (my first mentor) for having me do this, it was awesome and so are you.
Biggest Hugs Everyone,
Let’s conquer insecurity so we are not talked into things we aren’t sure we want in life.
As this year comes to an end, another one is about to begin.
AH! 2016, the goals, the plans, the “time away” trips with God for planning and resolutions, praying and reflecting.
My friend Sarah recently told me about how King David in one of his epic stories in the Bible had to strengthen himself in the Lord. And one of the ways he did so, was to reflect on God’s faithfulness in his life.
I think I rediscovered the power of reflection the other night, when my friend Kelly asked me how I ended up in LA. As I started to recount the years before I moved, I was amazed at how retelling the story in it’s entirety was like watching a movie of my own life. At points I was shocked as I noticed God’s faithfulness to keep me going in the direction He had for me despite my often imperfect cooperation and my out right, “Jonah moments”.
Our God was faithful to turn me back around when I went the wrong direction and calm my anxious thoughts when I straight up, freaked out.
He seems to confirm things in amazing ways. He teaches and disciplines like a good Father, and loves us through it all. He gives us a tad bit of the story and then watches us try to make it happen or figure it out and then quietly says “oh dear child I never asked you to figure it out, I asked you to trust Me”
OH FOR HEAVEN’S SAKE. I am thankful that You are gracious Lord and full of mercy because I am sometimes (often) a wandering, controlling soul.
I think it’s fun and EYES wide open crazy to get out your Instagram, go back to the beginning of 2015 and recount the time you have had, the good, bad and ugly, the learning from each season, the little or maybe BIG victories you encountered.
It will encourage you that:
A. He is with you always, through it all
B. He is in control even if you think you are
C. He does it in and through us and has many things to show us along the journey
D. He ultimately is the One to trust here on this earth, mainly because He really created it.
Let’s reflect, let’s use social media to help us walk down memory lane with Jesus, let’s retell the story of our year, to ourselves, so we can be encouraged for the year ahead.
Emmanuel means God with us! That is the very gift of Christmas.
We love you Jesus, thank you for being with us, we can’t do it without you.
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