I took you on, unworthiness, as my identity, and didn’t even know it.
I never knew you could be so destructive, lie so deeply about who I was. I am going to tell on you now, so you can’t lie to others like you did to me.
Girls, unworthiness may be speaking to you and I want you to know, you can overcome this LIE!
Let’s take a closer look at the root word: unworthy. What does it say to us?
un·wor·thy: That we are insufficient in worth; undeserving. That we are lacking in value or merit; worthless. That we are unsuitable, not befitting. That we are vile. Despicable.
Insufficient: I felt completely insufficient and undeserving of what I truly desired.
Lack of value: I didn’t even know I had value.
Not suiting: I felt completely unsuited as a wife (for example), I couldn’t cook, I hated to clean and I couldn’t even have children. “Who would want me?” I thought.
Despicable: I truly thought I was disgusting.
After 38 years of believing these lies about myself, God started to unravel the tether bound tightly around my soul.
The Bible is clear that the Father of Lies comes to kill, steal and destroy and he will use very subtle things like unworthiness to do just that, destroy you, from the inside out.
I know it sounds harsh, but I can tell you from my own experience that one of the reasons I am not married (at age 39) is because I felt so completely unworthy of my true heart’s desire. And the Bible says in Proverbs 23:7, As you think within yourself, so you are. Unworthiness is sneaky, but it could be informing the way you see yourself.
Now, let’s talk about the prescription, not the disease.
Six things to remember when you are dealing with the LIE of unworthiness:
1. We have to know deep down that God REALLY does loves us!
I know, I know, God loves us, it’s sounds so cliché. But why is it so hard to remember? Why does it seem distant and hard to really grab onto sometimes? Probably because the idea of an intangible, seemingly busy God loving us doesn’t make a lot of sense. But I challenge you to think about it like a real relationship. What is your love language, for example? Try doing that with the Lord.
My love language is quality time and words of affirmation, so I feel most loved on by God and able to love Him back when I spend long amounts of time with Him (QT) and when I write to Him in my journal and listen to hear Him love on me (through His Word and His Spirit).
Because Your (God) love is better than life, my lips will glorify you (Psalm 63:3).
We must learn to receive His love, because we love only because He has first loved us (1 John 4:19).
2. We have to know deep down that He is for us
As life continues to beat us up, we have to remember that life will do that, but He is for us, He is our refuge, our strength, our ever present help in time of need (Psalm 46:1) He is the Prince of Peace (Isaiah 9:6), His Spirit is kindness, love, self-control, joy, peace, gentleness and patience (Galatians 5:22-23).
We do have an adversary and we live in a really broken world with lots of other really broken people, but He is a good, good Father. We have to shout that from the rooftops especially when life looks like it is going the other way. We have to encourage ourselves in the Lord and use His Word as a battle weapon to fight the good fight and shout His truth over our very own lives when we least feel like it.
3. We have to know deep down that God is good
The kindness of God is what leads us to repentance (Romans 2:4); it is His kindness in the middle of our mess that we need to look for and be thankful for and keep at the forefront of our hearts. We need to see the good in our life and yes, sometimes that means fighting to see it.
We all have good and we all have bad, let’s be real, but there is power in recognizing the good and hanging on to that even through the bad.
4. We have to pray to let Him have His way
We pray and ask for our desires, and then we release and surrender our will to His perfect will. Yes, that sweet and super hard way of surrender: reminding ourselves of God’s faithfulness in our past and grabbing onto Hope Himself for our future. We did our part, we asked, knocked and sought our way and our will, and now, we say “God, you know best, so your way not mine.”
5. We have to let others speak into our lives without being offended. And then ask God, is there anything to learn here?
One of my favorite quotes is,
“Love the learning in every situation.” – Graham Cooke
Enjoy the journey, walking step by step with Jesus. Surrendering moment by moment to His will, because you know He loves you, He is for you and He is good.
I had a friend recently question me on the fact that I didn’t take one particular white elephant gift from someone at a party. He asked me later on if I felt less worthy of it than the girl who I didn’t “steal” it from.
I explained, “no I think I was just being nice.”
He said, “I would lightly challenge you on that, Lindsay, and suggest you ask the Lord.” As simple as it was, he was right. At my core, I felt she should have it because I wasn’t worth it. SO SILLY, right? But funny how God can speak through seemingly small situations. So again, I encourage you to seek the learning, look and listen in every situation for what He might want to show you, to free you from.
6. We have to believe that we are adopted by a perfect Heavenly Father, who deems us worthy
Gals, we are adopted and grafted into a family of royalty; seriously, that is in the Bible. We are a co-heir with the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. We are worthy because He deems us worthy. We are valuable because of who our Daddy is, no matter what the ‘dust people’ on this earth say about us.
I have a super beat up old cell phone that is cracked in like 4 places and has trouble working at times, but on the back of my cover it says “Always wear your invisible crown.” Ladies, let me remind you: a crown requires our heads to be lifted high off the ground and looking straight forward so it does not fall off.
Lift your head, look at your Savior, your Lord, your ever present help in time of need and remember who YOU are!
Don’t let unworthiness lie you to; if you have to scream and stomp your feet to fight it, do so. I pray you are prompted to say “Jesus, it’s for you” when unworthiness comes knocking at your door.
No more, ladies. You are indeed worthy.
I guess I apologize for myself a lot.
I didn’t even realize, until my awesome friend Jen was like “Lindsay, stop apologizing for yourself and everything you say, you do that a lot, girl that is insecurity”
“Ohhh!” I thought
“That’s what it is?”
Thankfully by God’s grace I heard her through the lens of love and wanting freedom for me, not in an “ouch that hurt, now I am going to go feel sorry for myself” kind of way, which, friends, is what I use to do.
We really do need to learn to celebrate the small victories in our lives. #DontWaitToCelebrate my Hope Healers would say, from Hope Heals Ministry
It was about 8 months ago during a prayer time at church that this amazing lady (Jamie, you know who you are) walked up to me and said “God loves your tender heart Lindsay, but He is going to strengthen you”
I thought, “sounds good Lord, have your way” although at the time I didn’t know what that even meant.
Looking back, I see how God has been working out issues of unworthiness, fear and now insecurity in my life. He is strengthening me, He is taking off layers of lies that were holding me down. And without the help of a brave friend, I don’t know that I would have pinpointed that my unnecessary apologizing was a sign of lacking confidence that my opinion even mattered.
In the past I would have been deeply offended by someone calling me insecure and I personally think offense is a crafty tool in the devil’s hand.
If we are offended by a true word, we won’t see it as something that can actually set us free. If the devil can keep us offended, that keeps us in bondage.
Obviously not everything someone says to you is from the Lord. We are human, people are super average at best, but they (because of the Holy Spirit inside of them) are connected to a supernatural God. But it’s always best that you check these things with your Supernatural Father and His amazing Word.
In this scenario, when my friend Jen said “Lindsay that is insecurity” it was like my eyes were opened to a truth that I believe God wanted me to see. Our security comes from Him, we lack nothing in Him, therefore, this was inline with His Word without question.
I went home and thought about it, I prayed and asked God to show me how to get past this, I looked the definition up on google, and wondered to myself “what is insecurity anyway?”
lack of confidence or assurance; self-doubt: (the dictionary said)
“YUCK, let’s get rid of it.” I thought.
My friend Jen, who isn’t going to candy coat anything, said to me the next week “Lindsay, I can totally see a change in you, you didn’t apologize once for yourself tonight, it was stunning, you are stunning” and I knew she meant it. I knew God had done something already. Then a day later another friend said to me “Lindsay, your true beauty is coming out, you seem so much more confident”. And then just a few days after that a sweet brother of mine said “Lindsay, you look beautiful, it’s like a confidence has come from the inside out and it looks good on you.”
I was like, WHOA, I think something has happened here!
And to top it off I have had the biggest zits on my face these past few weeks while all of this is going on, which coincidentally (wink wink) has always been one of my deepest insecurities, externally anyway.
What I think my friends saw, was inner healing manifesting on the outside, big zits and all.
Yes, huge zits, ugh, I am doing this super healthy cleanse my sister (aka editor and mother to my favorite two little people on earth) has me on. I think it is really working, cleaning all the yuck out, from the inside out and well for a short time it is all appearing on my face.
Oh the strange parallel.
What about you? Has a friend (or a stranger) said something to you that just might be from the Lord? To help you? To free you? I suggest praying into it, see if there might be a little lesson inside, just for you? And if you feel offended, check the “why” behind that, you never know what you might find.
He is a good good Father! He wants us free, friends, from all the lies and entanglement that this world can so easily help us become ensnared too!
Whew, let’s do this, FREEDOM!
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