Doubt, Fear and Love!

When confusion and fear came rushing in, I wasn’t sure what was happening. I held tightly to my Bible even though deep down I was questioning the very existence of God, the very God who delivered me from SO SO much over the past 6 years. (Hello, my name is Lindsay and I am an Israelite)

It was crazy and the reason why I didn’t blog. I had nothing to share with you, I was busy holding onto my faith like it was going to slip out of my very hands.

It sounds dramatic, but to be honest, it kinda WAS, it was very scary. The problem was I wasn’t sure what was going on, I just felt confused and scared. I started to see that fear was overtaking me and I couldn’t reconcile why.

Then, I realized it was just plain old fashion doubt and unbelief!

Pretty simple yet pretty powerful!

When the doubt and unbelief started to sneak in, it eroded my first line of defense, FAITH and my first line of offense, the Sword of the Spirit, which is the very Word of God!

When you doubt, when you put down your shield of faith, like I did, you try to stab around with your sword (the Word of God), but you doubt God is good or God is for you or that God is even real so you doubt His Word is true therefore how could it really help you.

The fear that God wasn’t real led to me to think I had to take control of my life. (which is the lie)

But here is what I learned happens to us when we entertain fear, we also entertain the following:

Insecurity (who is going to help me?)

Inadequacy (I am going to mess this up)

Inferiority (I am not good enough to receive this blessing)

Timidity (I can’t stand up for what I believe)

Worry and Anxiety (what IF _______________)


Fear of Authority (what if what they are telling me is wrong)





Panic Attacks

Phobias (of the future, I better secure my future because no one else will)

Nervousness (thinking bad things are going to happen)

Abandonment (no one will remember me)


These things we invite in when we entertain FEAR!

My fear came from my doubt and unbelief that God IS REAL, IN CONTROL and IN LOVE WITH ME!

It all stemmed from there.

So what do we do? How do we cast fear out?

The Bible is clear, Perfect Love, CASTS OUT FEAR. 1 John 4:8

The Bible says:

God IS Love (1 John 4:8)

He is Perfect (Matthew 5:8)

He IS Perfect Love, when we can get past  the lies and false feelings and receive His LOVE truly, we begin to believe that we are the apple of His eye Zechariah 2:8, that His thoughts about us (YOU) out number the very sand of the sea (Psalm 139: 17-18) (which is absurd, do you know how much sand there is?) that’s when we can tell fear to take a hike and instead stand on the TRUTH of God’s Word. He loves US! Love that we cannot comprehend on earth, we can’t even imagine the kind of Love He has for us.

Let’s ask Him! Let’s ask Him about His love for us.

I challenge you to wake up tomorrow (and every morning), and ask Him how He loves you!

Watch and Listen, He is with you and He will show you if you ask!

Lord God, you are God and we are not. Please Lord forgive us for our unbelief, restore in us a faith that comes from You, as You Jesus are the author and perfector of our faith. Lord, you say if we lack wisdom, to come to You and You will give it to us without measure, so Lord, we come to You and ask for your wisdom on what is holding us back from receiving Your love, show us, tells us, bring it to our hearts and minds, let us repent, let us give you our fear. We bind ourselves to You Jesus and Your Word which is living and active. We loose all that was stolen from us in this fight for our faith, restore in us now Lord all that we have been missing in You.

We choose to receive from You now absolute perfect Love, all that You are and all that You want to be in and through us!

In Jesus mighty name, we Pray and Believe that you are who you say you are, Perfect Love that LOVES a flawed person like me, all because of Jesus, He made a way for me to You and I am grateful! 

Thank you Lord! In your name Jesus, we pray!


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Suffering Leads to Hope-Hope that Heals

As night fell I couldn’t see where I was going, my phone was dying and my GPS kept leading me down the wrong roads. I remember reciting Psalm 23, as I drove.

Finally arriving at a little cabin in the woods, I walked into a room full of girls around my age and this one particular girl who Sarah (my friend leading the retreat) had spoken a lot about named Katherine Wolf.

As Katherine spoke about her near death experience, I sat still without taking a breath, it was intense, but she had this uncanny faith that made me wonder “how could she have so much faith when she has been through so much pain?”

I didn’t understand it, but it struck me deep, “there had to be more to this Jesus than I currently understood, He had to be more real than I had yet experienced.” Holding onto “Jesus” is one thing when life is going well, but then remaining in that after almost all has been lost was profound to me.

The word “hope” was not a word that informed my life, for me it was more like “hide and survive”. Hide from the pain and just try to make it through life.

But 6 years after that retreat, I sit here in LA privileged to work with Jay and Katherine Wolf and their ministry Hope Heals.

I never thought about the truth that Hope can actually heal you. It’s true and may look different than it does for Katherine, for me healing is more emotional than physical, it can also be mental or spiritual.

We all need healing in one way or another and the good news is, there is healing to be had.

Katherine and Jay’s story is an AMAZING book now. It is such a testimony of a God who does not leave us in the dark, even when all seems lost.

Katherine had her greatest moment of despair in brain rehab as she told God that everyone’s life would be better if she was gone, if she would have died, she said “Jay could marry a normal women and James could have a normal mommy,” but before that thought could fully land she was struck by a “dispatch from God” that went something like this…

Katherine, I am God you are not. There is a purpose in all of this. Just wait. You’ll see. There is no replacing you. Jay could never, ever marry a woman as amazing as you. James could never have a mommy like you. Think about what this will mean for his life. Mommy’s stroke will always be a part of his story. That is a gift to him. It will inform his life. Let him consider it pure joy as he grows. All of this will teach him in ways beyond anything you could say or do. 

Trust Me. I am working out EVERYTHING for your good. Don’t doubt this truth just because you are in the darkness now. What’s true in the light is true in the dark. I know you can’t fight this. That doesn’t matter. All you have to do is be still and let Me fight for you. I will complete the good work I began when I gave you new life. I will carry it on to completion. Believe that. My nature is to redeem and restore and strengthen. This terrible season will come to an end. You will suffer for a little while and then I will carry you out of this. 

You will see My goodness in the land of the living. Lean into this hope. Let it teach you how special you are.

Katherine has a bunch of favorite passages of scripture, but two that give me hope are…

Romans 8:28

28 And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.

Hebrews 6:19

This hope we have as an anchor of the soul, a hope both sure and steadfast and one which enters within the veil.

To purchase this book click here OR to win a free signed copy, leave a comment below with your favorite encouraging scripture verse.

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a little ‘peace’ of the story!

It was exactly two years ago when I had this thought that Atlanta was not my ending spot. I am not sure I gave it a ton of space in my brain at the time, but it stuck. You know those revelations that are defiantly from God that just don’t leave your head, it was one of those….. I always thought I would move overseas to be a missionary. I knew the power of God’s grace and Jesus on the cross and I wanted to share it with people!

It was maybe a month later that California entered my brain. I had not been to the LA area in about ten years (or so) and had only been there once at this point… to be very frank it was in the middle of my party decade and I was so drunk I have almost no recollection of the entire trip!

Well, until last December!

I ended up back in LA with work and we were going to a Bible study led by Judah Smith in a really nice hotel in Beverly Hills. When we walked into the lobby, I had this little flash back and a thought came to my mind out of no where. “I have been here before, ten years ago partying and now I am back here for a Bible study.” I got completely overwhelmed at the fact that ONLY GOD could do that. Only He could take a party girl, who was literally picked up off the street so drunk and carried back to her hotel (I don’t even remember what happened to me because I was so intoxicated) and turn her life around in such a way that she would return for a BIBLE STUDY.

As we walked into the room with three hundred other attendees, we sat down and I started to look around. I noticed that these people reminded me of myself when I first walked into Buckhead Church kind of wondering about God. As tears kept falling down my cheeks in this hotel ballroom, I couldn’t really control myself. The weird part was, no one else was crying because what Judah was talking about wasn’t sad at all. I think I was crying because I knew where these people were: they were curious, they were hungry, they knew something wasn’t right with life and they wondered if it had anything to do with God. I have been there, that was me just seven years ago. I understood them and they might understand me.  “What if I could play a tiny part in them understanding who Jesus really is?” I thought to myself.

I sent a text to my dear friend Sarah and said “I am really feeling I am supposed to move here. Kinda crazy but I just have more peace than ever. Will you help me pray? Love you! Like whoa” and her very calm and always encouraging response was “Oh Lindsay, I sense that for you too! It’s exciting, yes we will pray”

I prayed. God confirmed. I prayed again. God confirmed again. He confirmed in real tangible ways, and He confirmed in hilarious, ridiculous, impossible random ways. He confirmed and I decided to go!

My eyes are wide open and pointed at Jesus because when I look away from Him, I start to shiver, I start to question, I start to get sad at all I am leaving. But when I look up, when I think back, when I remember who I am going with and all He has done for me, I know this is the right step. I then get excited to watch Him write the story. Putting the Pencil Down is not just a blog name, it seems to have become the very theme of my life!

And for those who are interested in keeping up with the story He is writing, you can check in on a more daily digest of sorts at www.lindsayinLA.com (ps. nothing there yet!)

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